kazatasupa

i still intend to write about my time in the sierra nevada's - i have a few notes that i'd like to put down, but keep leaving them in various unkept places as i sort through all my shit in an effort to throw out and move.

the week was colored by the time i had to be around my brother. it would be difficult for me to find a time in my life where i enjoyed being around anyone as much as i enjoyed his company last week. i'm fortunate to have such a beautiful person as a brother...

i fucking like that kid. a lot.

i'm on vacation. the chamber of commerce president needed her office painted, so i agreed on the condition that i be supplied with a cd player and beer. as those demands were met, i began to apply paint. a few beers down, and my method changed drastically... thus my removal from the job. thankfully, my mother is the chamber predident, and i may find more work for beer later.

now, i'm waiting for my 83 year old grandmother. i'm taking her to dinner this evening, and in an effort to maintain stability, will be drinking more beer.

there's trouble brewing....

money might grow on trees... i see it everywhere, like an oasis - only i live in a desert and am left longing for more. i'm looking for a studio apartment (enough of this jumbled fucking neurotic mess that i've become - i'm not fleeing, i'm not falling apart, i'm not giving up on what i've worked so hard to attain - i'm pretty fucking solid today, and tomorrow). i have an appointment to see one on the hill tomorrow morning. $900 to move in - if i like it, and they like me. i'm $200 short, but am in the process of asking my bank for a helping hand. they'll probably deny that aide, as my credit took a bounce late last year when i forgot to pay a credit card bill and fell into a hole i couldn't work myself out of until april. i need a studio. i need my space to belong to me - i can't share it anymore... my sanity depends on it.

vacation coming saturday. i'm flying from salt lake city to san francisco to redding (still california). my mother is going to leave a wedding to pick me up, drop me off at kinkos - where my brother will be waiting to take me around town - then she'll return to the reception.

i'm going to spend part of the week with marie. i'd also like to visit the pioneer museum in fall river... and, put a lawn chair into the creek while sipping beer for an afternoon...

the following week will be spent with family and friends in the sierra nevada.

lord, do i need this vacation.

Working until 11. I've made numerous trips to the coffee shop. Hav is working this evening and is apparently suffering from spiritual poverty. I guess that's going around these days....

I spent this morning doing laundry while sitting on my balcony. The sun was warm, I lifted my long shorts up mid-thigh, and let radiant heat warm much of my naked skin. While soaking in the wonderful weather, I read Kerouac's "Subterraneans" and slowly consumed a can of Milwaukee's Best Ice (cheap beer for a cheap man).

I've found a good place and am feeling fine. I almost feel like dancing...

My mother has forced my hand in summertime vacation plans. I guess I am driving out to the Sierra Nevada's for a family camping trip in July. I requested the time off already, and will actually get there a few days before everyone else. I like the idea of a solitary (next to all the other campers, of course) period... I'll probably drink heavily and let the mid-night noise bring bear-phobia into my tent.

I was able to spend quite a bit of time with Ryn yesterday... I'm okay, I'm okay with things as they are, and as they will be. I'm okay.

I really enjoy her company.