kazatasupa

the short of it:

went to 2 and 1/2 white guys at abg's friday and saturday night. i drank a lot of beer, but suffered not one ill-effect of a weekend well done. megan, jared and i took the great western trail out of south fork canyon for a five mile hike on sunday. it's been a while since i made an effort to hike that much (pretty steep too) and suffered a chaffed crotch in the process. the hike was followed with cheese pizza, beer and a nap on the couch as the lakers beat the nets in game three of the finals. later, jared and i drove to jason's (a mere block away) to drink beer and migrate to a party just south of byu. jason had a date (i'm confused - isn't he still dating angela?) whose name is lindsey. she studies philosophy. i think i'm in love with jason's sunday night date.

the party was for sarah, who is moving to alaska to earn her phd in biology. sarah and i held hands home from the bar one night two summers ago... i had no idea she was a lesbian at the time... she's a cool girl and i'll miss seeing her around town. allen was at the party when we arrived. i instantly took three of his beers, but didn't feel too bad as i had paid is way in the door and purchased a pitcher of beer for his consumption friday night. he left once megan and havalah showed. the three are roommates and there seems to be a rift developing...

jared played foos ball and worked up a mighty sweat while at it. i laughed.

we went home and i tried to sleep...

I have a test this morning, but am not prepared. I don't feel like studying, either... I'm at work, anyhow. It's pointless. I sat on grass at The Hud (Megan, Havalah, and Al's little house) with notes in hand, trying to study, but more intersted in the path and the sun. My mind wanders, and where it goes... I suppose that's where I'd rather be.

I've settled (perhaps only temporarily) into loathing the self-indulgent shallowness inherent in being human. And, I'm terrified of remaining alone. However, yesterday, behind the mountains... ascending (then descending) steep trails in my sandals, I felt more at home by myself than I would have had someone been with me. I took off my shirt and stood, looking down at myself in fine appreciation of a beautiful farmers tan. Sun reflected off pasty white skin and pink man-nipples.

I felt good...

And this morning, I feel much better.

Working until 11. I've made numerous trips to the coffee shop. Hav is working this evening and is apparently suffering from spiritual poverty. I guess that's going around these days....

I spent this morning doing laundry while sitting on my balcony. The sun was warm, I lifted my long shorts up mid-thigh, and let radiant heat warm much of my naked skin. While soaking in the wonderful weather, I read Kerouac's "Subterraneans" and slowly consumed a can of Milwaukee's Best Ice (cheap beer for a cheap man).

I've found a good place and am feeling fine. I almost feel like dancing...

My mother has forced my hand in summertime vacation plans. I guess I am driving out to the Sierra Nevada's for a family camping trip in July. I requested the time off already, and will actually get there a few days before everyone else. I like the idea of a solitary (next to all the other campers, of course) period... I'll probably drink heavily and let the mid-night noise bring bear-phobia into my tent.

I was able to spend quite a bit of time with Ryn yesterday... I'm okay, I'm okay with things as they are, and as they will be. I'm okay.

I really enjoy her company.

Just haning out at my work computer... Bored as hell, but not really wanting to do anything. I have to laugh (just a little) at my state of pathetic-ness. I took a nap earlier, and feel a bit better. Hav was working at Juice and Java despite being exhausted from a hiking trip. I had two cups of coffee, gave a quarter to a guy (I think his name was sean) who was blowing smoke in my face, and watched the sun set. I then walked home with Coltrane on the headphones, got into my jeep and drove to work where I am now typing away on livejournal... waiting for the end of the world to come.

I need to watch a movie, or something... just to take my mind away. I need to talk, too. And, a hug would be nice. My shoulders are so tense that I am actually in physical pain.

A nice glass of something full of alcohol would be nice too... just to relax a bit.

I should go hiking in the morning. It's almost april and I wonder if the black bear is stirring. Hmmm.....