kazatasupa

Coffee and Joseph Fire Crow.

I've made public my entries through January 2002.  It's interesting reading my thoughts in the blissful calm before the storm.  LaRyn was the first woman I allowed myself to feel loved by and, though our "relationship" was short in terms of time, I struggled for years to reclaim myself from losing the trust I had in that love.  I have a completely different perspective on that relationship than I did at that time.  I have only fond memories of our time together and I hope she is blissfully happy in her life now (I'm sure she is).

The women I wrote about back then; Nicole, Natalia, and Marie are all still dear friends of mine and one (Marie) is now my wife.  I feel fortunate to have been able to foster relationships with these amazing people and that they still care enough to call me a friend (or husband) is such a great blessing for my old soul.  I am in shock that Marie and I have been together now for 7 years and in April will have been married for 6 years.  Time goes by too quickly.

I miss my brother.  This will be the 5th Christmas since lokasennapassed away.  I used to feel such a romance for the holiday, but that feeling died with Thorn.  I miss exchanging philosophy books with him.  I miss trying to get him drunk on Christmas Eve, or during Christmas dinner.  I miss our evening discussions and disagreements.  I miss everything about him.  Having had a child has returned some "spirit" of the holiday to me.  I only wish Thorn could be here to love on his nephew.

It's snowing outside.  I wish I had the time to go for a walk and take in the wonder of the universe.  I have a Lion's Club board meeting tonight to go along with my regular domestic and fatherly duties.  The walk will have to wait for another day.

My internal organs are shutting down... or, I'm just sore from dancing all night. 2 and 1/2 white guys (local ska/reggae) had my bootie thumpin'. I did have too much to drink last night, spent too much money on beer, slept too much today and feel relatively worthless. In regards to my Friday Night poll. The Yukon Jack, bar, pissing in the street most closely resembled my evening (having had pieces of all three).

There's currently about 3 inches of snow in my jeep. Bouteloua called me this morning to tell me that I ought to throw a tarp over the vehicle. Naked and hung-over, I passed... I rather deal with the cleaning later, than run around Center street disfunctionally naked at nine thirty in the morning. This isn't Berkley...

I'm going to play guitar for a bit, then head to the coffee shop. It's an easy going evening for me... it has to be.

And, Layne Staley...

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the funk will make me freak
If I should die before I waked
Allow me Lord to rock out naked

Sir Psycho Sexy - RHCP

Jared and I spent all of yesterday afternoon exploring a section of Rock Canyon which we have never been in. I find it amazing, and cleansing (if that's the word I am searching for), that so many snow-shoe trips end up being the "best." Yesterday's was no exception. It's also interesting that the main trail, packed down and easy to traverse, is also the most laborious and exhausting part of the hike. Getting off the path, creating my own trail and sensing a new place is very invigorating. We must have climbed over two thousand feet... it sure is quiet, up where few people venture and non-human nature keeps to itself. I always fall deeply in love when time and my sense of place erode until I am left to whims of nature... struck by beauty in such a way that I forget all social constructs and find myself connected to everything I do not understand. That's when I find true freedom and am most able to express what it is to be me... I am fucking wild!

My mother is very involved with the chamber of commerce. There are a lot of empty store fronts in town, so she and another woman decorate them during the holidays with religious, or winter themes. There are a pair of old, rope tied snowshoes that in one window. I will have to steal them for a while, since I left my shoes in Provo. There is snow everywhere in the mountains here... I should have asked my father to look at Burney Mountain and tell me if it had snow. I just asked if there was snow around... "no, not much, really," he would answer. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

My father has saved my rum from last winter, "I did have a shot of it one day, after I went wood cutting, "he confessed. He's a light beer man.

I helped my mother and her friend decorate a store window with a nativity scene early this afternoon. My mom is amazing... she is so involved with the town. She even designs the chamber's web page. I really think she is a neat woman. My dad likes beer... he's cool too (and terribly bright, even if he is always wrong).

My brother had to leave his cat here, because his current landlords don't allow pets. The cat is shy, but warming up to me... this makes me happy.

Well, I'm off to visit my grandmother. She's old and stubborn, but just as neat as my mother.

*sigh,* I want to be outside... in the snow. I want to play in my snowshoes... I want, I want, I want...

We're supposed to go ice climbing for Mountaineering class today, but it's been so warm. I doubt that Dallan was able to find ice anywhere near Utah this past weekend. It has just been too warm. Jared and I found a bit of wet snow Sunday on the back side of Lightning Peak and that was around 8500 ft. Good news for winter lovers, though: snow is on it's way. Okay, maybe it won't hit the valley floor, but it will be in the mountains. I can't wait to dust off my snowshoes.

Here is the current satellite view: