(no subject)

I wonder if the Rex Club is going to be open Christmas Eve. It has to, simply has to... There is a sign on the door that says: the Rex Club will be closed Monday and Tuesday through the winter, or until further notice. Christmas Eve seems like it would be a big night for families (they serve dinner too). I'll have to find out. My friend, Scott, owns the damn place... it's time I go out and see some people. Scott and Kristi, Chata, Erin, Justin, Mike... whomever else. I like the bar because I always run into people who were on the fringe... people I wouldn't look up, but enjoy running into every year, or so. I need to see Ralph too...

I am looking forward to seeing Willie too... I need to go visit his parents. They've always been my second family.

I think my brother is amazing. He's such a beautiful person... While driving to redding today it occurred to me that he is the most sacred person I have ever had. He is the one person I have always loved unconditionally... I haven't always been the best person to him, but he has taught me a great deal about how I should treat people I love. Of course, I am a bit dense and somewhat slow to learn...lol. He always amazes me with his insight, wisdom and talents... I have always had this feeling that I did not belong in relationships, whether with my parents, or friends, or with girls whom I have dated... but I have always known that I belonged with my brother. It is strange, because, before today, I had never realized this (what I have always known) In all of my insecurities, I am completely comfortable with my brother.

He gives me hope and the experience that tells me I can let others close. I owe a lot to the beauty of my brother...

Before I Close

I feel young...

like a boy with a crush...

it feels good, healthy and right.

I've felt this way for a while now (maybe a month).

I'm in love with life... I'm in love with the people in my life...

I breathe deeply with wonder and awe...

and it all seems good.

things seem to be

changing

right.

proud father

I'm sitting in the living room, checking my e-mail as my father entertains his best friend and his wife. I can overhear him telling the story of my great beer heist! He is a proud father, indeed.

I'm waiting for my mother to get home from running errands. She and I are going to Fall River to see Donna Caldwell (owner of one of the local papers). Apparently they recently ran a piece on the history of Burney. I would like to purchase the series and find out where I can get good sources for my own research on old Sam Burney... We're supposed to go to the museum also, but I fear that it is closed for the winter.

I'm going to take pictures of the Pit River along the way... The settlers named it "pit river" because of all the pits along the banks that were dug my the local natives and used as traps for big game.

(no subject)

I bought the three piece series... actually, Donna gave it me and said that, "you're one of us." a nice gesture, really. She use to own a used bookstore on main street when I was a kid. My mother had an account there which allowed my brother and I to purchase any books we desired. I tried to buy the occasional Motley Crue record on my mother's account, but was always met with Donna's waving finger.

I remember when I bought Dr. Feelgood in '89. Willie, with my Ronald Regan punching doll, would extend it's arms in cadence with the roaring guitar intro of kickstart my heart. Ahh... high school memories.

Let's see: I saw Donna, my old boss Cindy Dodds, and Mrs. Purple (name given by Jeremy) aka Mary Little (formally known as Mary Peavihouse). Hugs from all, and I feel like a town hero.

Donna: what are you studying?
Me: a lot of things, actually... but, philosophy mostly
Donna to my mother: Oh, where did we go wrong???

Cindy: I hear you are doing so well
Me: well, see... you move 800 miles away from your parents to give the impression that you are doing well

Mary to my mother: I remember when Matt used to come over, build a snowman and then pee all over it... Those boys were so wild!!
Me: blushing.

I am currently getting drunk on a brandy egg-nog mix. It's the first time I've had a lot to drink since I've gotten here. I'm waiting for my mother's, "oh, my..." when she sees the bottle. Until next time...

(no subject)

Closing out the day... and feeling alone.

I went for a walk this evening, waiting on the snow... and I took my camera with me to take photos of the town. It took me 45 minutes to walk from to one end, down to the other and back to my parent's house. Small town blues. I took a photo of my parent's house, the old shoe store, the Alpine Drive In, Burney Bowl and... well, that's about it. I was amazed at how many people were actually at the bowling alley and how few people were elsewhere.

I saw Dan and Anna cruising main street, just as I had left them over six years ago. They didn't stop, I didn't waive... just kept going our separate ways. That makes me sad... I guess. They're two of my favorite people and I see them most years I am out here, but this year... I don't know.

I remember when they were pulled over by a police officer, naked from the waste down with their underwear on their heads...

I wish I had someone to have legs all over. Just to hear a giggle... or a breath. And, maybe a warm hand with an extra squeeze...