kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
drinking water, i am...

it's past my parent's bedtime (this means: matt's time alone!).

i'm listening to sad music and dwelling on things i can't have (eternity). however, i did run into some old faces today.

eric underwood was sitting beneath the overhang of the rex club. he said to me, as i walked by during my evening stroll, "is that you, quinlan." the remark, posed as a question, was really a greeting... he knew it was me. eric, who has an endearing speech impediment (for example: he pronounces his name: ewik undulwood) is a person whom i have known for years. i stopped and decided to have a beer. inside the bar i found dustin white, a guy who grew up down the street from me. i believe he and his brother use to buy polly wogs from me in the summers of my youth. it took me all night to remember his name... but, the old cells came through for me once again! heather santos was also in the bar. when i was a young kid i played with her brother, david. one time a group of us were being a little rambunctious on my bed and heather ended up with a bloody nose. i swear she bled all over my room. i always thought she would be a cute woman, but i think i was wrong... old ray showed up too. I spent high school playing football and occasionally goofing off with his son, ty. justin, his youngest son became one of my better friends before i moved to utah. i've rarely see justin, but it is nice to hear that he is doing well. he is in long beach, attending diving school and at the top of his class. i'm proud of him...

i had a short talk with the bartender, scott.. who remembers me (which is nice, as i visit the bar only once, or perhaps twice a year). he's a vietnam vet... and is glad that the olympics are going to be in utah. i felt bad, because i only had three dollars. it was enough to cover the cost of the sierra nevada celebration ale, but not enough to leave a tip. i'm going back soon, however and will make up the lapse of etiquette.

today is Saturday. only a week left until i head home to utah. i'm not sure i am ready to be half way through my vacation. i need more time for expression. these people are important to me. i need them to know.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I wonder if the Rex Club is going to be open Christmas Eve. It has to, simply has to... There is a sign on the door that says: the Rex Club will be closed Monday and Tuesday through the winter, or until further notice. Christmas Eve seems like it would be a big night for families (they serve dinner too). I'll have to find out. My friend, Scott, owns the damn place... it's time I go out and see some people. Scott and Kristi, Chata, Erin, Justin, Mike... whomever else. I like the bar because I always run into people who were on the fringe... people I wouldn't look up, but enjoy running into every year, or so. I need to see Ralph too...

I am looking forward to seeing Willie too... I need to go visit his parents. They've always been my second family.

I think my brother is amazing. He's such a beautiful person... While driving to redding today it occurred to me that he is the most sacred person I have ever had. He is the one person I have always loved unconditionally... I haven't always been the best person to him, but he has taught me a great deal about how I should treat people I love. Of course, I am a bit dense and somewhat slow to learn...lol. He always amazes me with his insight, wisdom and talents... I have always had this feeling that I did not belong in relationships, whether with my parents, or friends, or with girls whom I have dated... but I have always known that I belonged with my brother. It is strange, because, before today, I had never realized this (what I have always known) In all of my insecurities, I am completely comfortable with my brother.

He gives me hope and the experience that tells me I can let others close. I owe a lot to the beauty of my brother...

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kazatasupa

December 2021

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