kazatasupa

Frank Black should be in my cd player. Jer christened his song as mine: about a man with his headphones...

I feel like being me, but oddly feel like someone else. I'm troubled. Well, feeling troubled.

It might take a few hours, but I'll put my finger on it. I'll have to. I don't feel comfortable like this. I'm feeling boxed in, claustraphobic... I have the urge to flee.

Last night (i'm moving onto other subjects) Ryn and I stood outside Rice-Eccles stadium during the closing ceremonies of the winter olympics. I wish we could have been inside, to feel the electric crowd roll though me... but, we were outside looking in and, I really wouldn't want to change a memory (now that it belongs to me).

I keep experiencing these wonderful moments with Ryn... moments that will last my lifetime. Kiss playing to the crowd, as we stood outside listening - kissing... (okay - so, that's not the most romantic thing in the world). The spectacular firework display as the ceremony closed.

Dancing under a light snow...

Red roses.

Mmmm.. Ryn, thank you so much. For everything...

Yes, a cup of coffee would be nice.

It's trying to snow... the mountains are getting a nice storm, I'm sure.... hell, everyone else on this planet is probably more aware of Utah's weather than I am and I'm looking out the window at a storm that keeps rolling over the valley, but dropping very little snow. Provo/Orem gets the least amount of snow along the Wasatch front. Salt Lake City gets the most (I think) due to the lake effect snow phenomenon.

L. and I are going to SLC this evening... even though the opening ceremony has already begun... or will shortly, we hope to catch the last bit (from outside the stadium). I'm sure security will give me a look-over... My beard was enough reason for the security people to pull me aside in the San Francisco International Airport for a search... took my stinky boots off... felt me up and down... sort of embarrassing, really.

"Everybody search the pacifist... He's big and scary and has a huge goatee..."

Meanwhile...

My sore throat/fever has turned to a slight cough. I hate being sick.

L. accompanied me to a valentine dinner last night, which was sponsored by the philosophy club. So, what is love? Blah, blah, blah...

I love being with her... only, I wish we had been somewhere else. The company was good. Biloba was there as was bouteloua. David Keller, his wife, Karen Mizell, Lee Mortenson, Lara Hamblin and another woman were at our table. I really enjoy the company of all those people, but was not in the mood to talk about philosophy... or even anything very smart at all. I wanted to be silly, and maybe drink a bit... but, I have this strange "dumb jock" complex around smart people... Stupid. So, I sat there silently, talking little while holding L.'s hand. Lee asked if we were together... L. laughed, and I said sheepishly, "sometimes..."

I wish I could have said, "yes, we are... and I am so, very happy."

I actually wore slacks, a nice shirt and a sports coat to the gig... Very not me, but fun nevertheless. L. looked... well... so, so nice. I never dress up... ever. The last time I wore the sports coat was to my Uncle's funeral in December of '99. Before that? I have no idea. But, I had fun... and am willing to dress up again (but only if Ryn wants me to).

Tomorrow night: theater followed by an evening in the bar (that is if the place doesn't sell out before we get there). It's been a while since I've been dancing, dancing, dancing!