Missing

Feb. 22nd, 2002 02:07 pm
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I want to go for a cup of coffee with my brother. *Sigh*

Too many miles...
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I love Bob Marley...

I told my boss that I wouldn't leave her in a bind. I've thrown enough, "I hate my job" statements around to make her nervous... and, since there is a hiring freeze on state jobs, I've committed myself to a "library first" attitude. I'll wait until my job can be filled... unless I go crazy, then all promises are out the window.

I might go crazy.

I know Ryn doesn't like the fact that we work together... but, being able to lean around the corner and sneak a peak at her face always brightens the moment for me.

I wish I had a digital camera... the sky over Utah Lake and the mountains beyond is moving so beautifully with a contrast of light to dark grey clouds. I wish I were a falcon, high above the ground, riding a thermal into the heavens... *sigh*

I have the house to myself this evening, which is nice... so, I'm going to go to the book store, or coffee shop, or the record store... maybe I'll go to a few places. Don't know.

Just feeling good.....
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I can purchase the equipment to start a coffee shop for around $15,000... but, then there is the remodeling of the building... which is the great unknowable. Bar, tables, chairs, couches, gypsies and confetti... I don't know how much those things cost.

Speaking of coffee... I'm thirsty. This is the third morning without. Oh, how will I ever last?
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I'm not as talented at anything as I would like to be.

I like R.E.M.

I cannot wait until spring... cannot.

I'm almost done working for the day.

Scott is careless (and makes his baby cry).

I have tickets to a valentine dinner on February 7th.

Most mornings I wake feeling part of something beautiful...

This morning I woke then swore...

It was cold.

I have questions, and questions and questions...

I have few, if any answers.

I know that, when I can find tranquil moments in the harsh desert, I have found god.

What makes an experience authentic?

I really like coffee.

I'm crazy for a beautiful girl.

Yes...

I'm crazy for her.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Melvin's "Darn Good" Coffee...

Maybe so. Hell, there are so many places you can go wrong with coffee... I have long suspected that having a Mormon youth make your coffee could be a very bad thing. I now have near flawless empirical evidence (well... ). Note: I live in Provo, Utah... and am the only non-Mormon within walking distance. Before I get going, I need to note that I am not picking on my young lds friends... I am just pissed that someone could screw up a cup of coffee so badly (this is sacred ground we're walking on - tread lightly).

You have to drink coffee to make a decent cup. That's the rule... you have to know what you're doing. Coffee is a delicate drink that can be ruined at any given step... You have to care about the drink enough to baby it through the process.

Has anyone had Melvin's "Darn Good" Coffee? Is the roast just shitty??? I suspect that too could be the case...

Nevertheless... Einstein does have great bagels, and they do open early enough to satisfy my need for a warm cup of caffeine (which is, essentially all you get - I wouldn't dare call it coffee). which does serve to aide in my awakening (when work calls me in too early to rely on other coffee shops).

I thank my vibrating brain for Juice and Java... At least they know how to make coffee, and Cafe Ibis (where J&J gets their beans) is a very decent micro-roastery. Now, if only I could get away from work for 20 minutes....

Hell

Jan. 17th, 2002 10:30 pm
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I'm in hell...

Well, not really. I mean, this could be worse. Actually, I am in a pretty damn good mood. I couldn't get enough done, and had to train a new employee, so I am expecting professors to come swearing tomorrow morning. I wish people could understand that it takes time to photo-copy, crop, scan, crop, edit html, post and check for errors...

Today has really been good to me, otherwise... I slept in. I drank coffee over a nice conversation. I watched little boys hold hands as they skipped through the snow. I did laundry and ran important errands...

Now... Now... I'm longing for whip-cream and cherries.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I'm not even a wink tired.

My urine smells just like coffee...

Coincidence???

Maybe
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Ahhh... Coffee.

I asked an aide to pull the fire alarm so I could sneak away for a coffee break. A bit later the alarm went off... Curious.

l. and I went for hot cocoa and coffee.

Well, we waited until the fire marshal let people back into the building. It's less fun being responsible... it really is.

I'm in a real-happy mood. Almost laughing.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
l. brought me a cup of coffee this afternoon. I'm the happiest junky in the world.

Scanning

Jan. 4th, 2002 08:44 am
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
This is my life:

I scan stuff, create .pdf files for angry professors (not all of whom are truly angry), and (sometimes) check books out to people. I do other things as well, but not often. Mostly, I scan stuff. Yesterday, I scanned for 17 hours. I got home around midnight, went to bed exhausted and laid there, wide awake... thinking, thinking, thinking. So, I got out of bed and sat on the couch for a while... went back to bed, and finally fell asleep.

I had one of those "can't see" mornings, where everything is blurry and my depth perception was distorted. I took a shower standing in the toilet (okay, that's a joke), and brushed my teeth with a....

So, as the morning goes:

Four shots of espresso in my 20 ounce cup of coffee. I'm still not awake. Hopefully, I will be caught up with everything early this afternoon. L. is closing for me, so I can go see Chris's art showing. I haven't seen Chris in over a year. He's going to graduate school somewhere back east. I'm sure I'll see others there too. There is a tight group of really neat people... I miss them.

Love

Dec. 28th, 2001 09:56 am
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I'm drinking my coffee, looking at the screen, wishing the snow level was lower than 7000 feet and planing the rest of my vacation. It's hard not to feel that it is all ready over. I think I have a ton of work waiting for me in the library, and school starts on Wednesday... Much to do.

I'm glad I have coffee... coffee makes me happy. I just wish I had good conversation to go with my coffee.

I'm going to the Pit River Tribal Casino this afternoon to gamble with my 82 year old grandmother. She has this gambling method that I don't exactly understand... I just feed my money into the machine, lose it and go home. She can sit there for hours, nursing her money along, watching other machines... win a bit here, and a bit there... and, usually, comes out even.

I don't care for gambling, really. I guess that is why I am having a hard time motivating myself for the afternoon. Buck up. BUCK UP!!! Every little thing, going to be alright.

I miss the coffee shop... I miss sitting there for hours with old faces, drinking coffee and talking. I'm a fan of Juice and Java - despite the cops...

I'm obsessing over coffee... and my cup is now empty. Its a sad, sad day.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
My morning walk for coffee was successful (this meaning I did get a cup of coffee). I walked down main street, looking at empty buildings... and decided that the best buildings to put coffee shops in are already occupied. Most of the buildings here are simple, ugly square-box type offering no character at all. I wouldn't mind the A-frame building that houses the Alpine Drive In, but that has been there for decades... a Burney staple, as far as businesses go. I also wouldn't mind the old Bernard's gas station, or one of the spaces in the Novel "T's" / Burney Mountain Video building. I've had my eye on the old moose lodge for a couple of years, but it somehow seems too large and impractical. There is a lot of dreaming still to come...

I finally ran into Chata this morning, or should I say, that crazy sob almost ran me over. There is snow on the road... and he's totaled enough cars to make anyone nervous. He is coming by later... I guess we're going to "hang-out." Maybe I'll make him go for a ride with me.

Time to shower... Time to shave...

Must do something with my day
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Drinking coffee again... and feeling good.

I have energy again... I'm making plans and am hopeful. It's been a long while since I have felt like this. It's been at least two years, maybe three, since I felt like I had control in my life and now I do.

Fuck social expectations. I won't do what others want me to do. I'm in this life for me... I'm not being selfish, anyone can join me if they wish, and I'll give myself to those who ask.

I'm tired of people who let things happen to them... and who blame "the system." I'm accountable for my own actions and responsible for what happens to me. I will not blame others. No excuses.

I'll do it my way, thanks.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Morning Update :

It's snowing lightly outside. KRCL has an avalanche forecast in the morning, right before I get to work. This weekend looks like a bad one for back country enthusiasts.

I weighed 235 this morning. My legs hurt like hell...

Roasted coffee last night, did laundry and was in bed by 11:30.

Up at 6:30, brewed (with my french press) a super-fresh cup of joe. My head still hasn't cleared, however... and I'm thinking about brewing another pot.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Mmmm... coffee...

Went to my mountaineering final. Dallen is not going to allow me to get by without turning in a journal. I shouldn't have gone to school this semester. I hate guilt trips. Arggg.... at least I have a nice, tall cup of joe with two shots of espresso.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Coffee... Strong coffee, indeed.

It's almost three and most certainly will be by the time I post this. There are a lot of beautiful women in this world, and only one of me... what a pity.

Willie sent me a link to a job post at Sonoma State University. The job is essentially the same as what I have here, only it pays much more. I forwarded the link to my boss, and asked her why we don't have a comparable salary... evidently Utahns are just cheap. I think (just for kicks) I may apply for the job. It can't hurt... but the desert, the desert. How I would miss the desert of Southern Utah. And the Wasatch mountains are so delicious... But, how I long for California... I moved out here six and a half years ago and feel like I've been raised by both places. How can I give one up for the other? God, I need to go camping.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Mmmm... I want warm, alcoholic drinks...

I'm wearing a turtle neck sweater today and (because of it) am feeling a bit festive. I want to go ice-skating, or for a quite walk with a beautiful girl. I want to hold hands and say silly things. I want to go to a party and laugh with friends while drinking butter rum (or something of the like).

I love brown eyes. Brown is warm, and earthy... I think I can trust brown. Maybe Van Morrison has had something to do with this? I don't know. *sigh,* yes, I am enamored with brown eyes for the moment.

Turtle neck?? I feel so gap.

Cute girls are young... I want a woman, (are you ready for an 80's butt rock reference?) not some little girl. Tell me if you know where that came from?

I received an email from Willie this morning. Splendid timing, too. I had thought about him over the weekend... and was planning on calling his mother, to see if he was still alive! He wrote something I find incredibly interesting:

"You shouldn't have sent me the link to your online
journal...Instead of writing you back, I read, and
read, and read. I was reminded of our time in Mrs.
Schmidt's class and our daily writing assignments. It
is somewhat strange, but not surprising, how many of
the same themes (nature, music, women, not
understanding women, etc.) still apply many years
later."

As different as I feel I am now, as opposed to that person I was over a decade ago, I really am the same awkward kid. Oh, God... it's almost too funny.

I've got to get back to work...

I've got to make a pot of coffee...

hmmm. work, or coffee? coffee, or work?

Coffee.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Stopped by work on the way home from Wickenden's. I must get out of here before people start showing up. The company over coffee was great this morning (as usual) even if an apologetic Biloba showed late. He brought a peace offering, however... a black turtle neck sweater (and I think I actually like it). I had a great time getting my ass kicked by d. at ping-pong.

It's overcast today, and snow is in the forecast. Good. Good.

Only six days until takeoff. I miss Northern California. It will be nice to see family and old friends. I miss the mountains that raised me. I've been working on Thorn... (four beers, now! Four beers?) Our's is a family that lacks tradition... it's something that I regret. Thorn and I have, in the last two, or three years, gone out drinking Christmas Eve. That's the only tradition I have (and I value it greatly). I've wondered if getting a bit toasted over Christmas dinner would be a wise thing. It may not be a popular choice with my mother... but God, would it be so much fun!
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I thought that waking to Bing Crosby would be nice and warm. Six-twenty in the morning... Chestnuts roasting on an open.... -snooze- -snooze- -snooze-... seven fifteen in the morning... Chaos.

Late for work (again).

Didn't have time to walk for coffee... I had to crash through the shop in a frenzied hurry. "I need two shots. Two. Two!!"

Ahh... Juice and Java employees are so kind to me. Even if Candice doesn't like me... she tolerates me and pretends to be happy to see me. However, it is obvious that (at times) I rub her wrong. For instance, the other day, I reported to her that I had gone out Sunday and cut a Pagan tree for Christmas. She just stood there, looking at me with a disgusted look... "what's a pagan tree?" "Uh... a Christmas tree... same thing, only for pagans!" End of conversation. She wouldn't talk to me after that, and her body language was uncomfortable at best. It seems really strange, as Christmas is an ultra-pagan holiday. I understand that even the traditional Christmas tree may come from ancient pagan traditions in which the tree was revered as a holy symbol. We are intertwined in a dynamic web... there's room for every one, even pagan-Christmas celebrations - don't you think?

So, am I Christian? Am I Buddhist? Am I Muslim? Am I Jain? Am I Hindu? Am I Jew? Am I Wiccan? Am I, am I, am I.... Maybe I'm just a bit of everything and nothing at all... Maybe I just am.

I am creation. I am love. I am sustained, for the moment and in complete control... I am, as Peter Tosh sings, that I am.

It is supposed to snow 5-9 inches tonight, which means Provo/Orem will get a light dusting. I hope to get some pictures of the city under the siege of a winter storm this evening... if not, I have the rest of winter.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I lose hope in the world when I reach over to find that my cup of coffee is now only an empty cup. What has become of this world? Simple pleasures...

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