(no subject)

[kazatasupa]

Picture hanging...

My blues have been temporarily released. Of course, my head is floating away from me due to a lack of food...

It's going to get worse, I know. I'm going to get lonely. I'm going to need her, and she isn't going to be there. I really wasn't prepared for this. I thought something else was going on, and she needed space. I tried to comply, but I didn't know it was me. I had fears, but thought I was just being paranoid and tried to not think about it. I was blind sided, stunned...

I'm stupid.

I don't like having ugly thoughts. They're self-defeating.

"What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" - Nietzsche
"What doesn't kill me, still hurts like hell" - Me

I'm still going to love her. I don't have a choice... that's who I am. I can't stop loving. I can't.

I should stop dreaming. My dreams don't come true. Never have...

When I was younger, my mother would walk away from me when I would try to hug her. People walk away. That's life. People leave...

Nothing is as it should be. Nothing is forever.

Comments

[biloba.livejournal.com]

you can't lose a friend you never had, matt. she'll still be around. there are others who love you still. please don't fret, man... all right?

[kazatasupa.livejournal.com]

ahhh... but, i will fret until i can not longer do so. then, i might be fine. maybe, probably not.

the bottom line is, if she wanted to be with me, she would be.

that's my starting point... this is where i go from.

[(Anonymous)]

what doesn't kill you, changes you forever.

in the major arcana of the tarot, death signifies the transformation and change of old patterns, thoughts and behaviours. the caterpillar dies and is reborn a butterfly.

and when your dreams die, well, only you'll know what comes next.

in the meanwhile, eat something, alright? passing out from hypoglycemia is bad.

[callas.livejournal.com]

Ok, here goes

<mom> You need to eat. Hurt. You're going to anyways, so hurt, cry, scream, yell, be silent, but let it happen. Just don't let it own you for a long time. But eat. </mom>

if you need to talk, i'm on aim. I'm sure you don't, but if you do, you know where to find me.

[kazatasupa.livejournal.com]

thank you, callas... i've had some food. she made me eat. i felt like a little brat (just a little). i just wasn't hungry, but sometimes one must force himself to do the little things... like eating.

i'm feeling much better now.