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Jan. 11th, 2002 12:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kazatasupaI'm losing my white-trash desk to chaos and entropy. It's an interesting phenomenon, and my head is just spaced-out and tired enough to think that art is actually trying to express itself through my things. I feel special.
I still want to cry when I think about it. It's strange for me, because I've never been emotional. I told my pops that this somehow feels healthy, like I've finally learned to mourn. I told him not to worry about me, because I know I am handling this the right way...
I gained some valuable insight into who my father is last night. I love it when he is honestly open and emotionally available to me. For most of my life I denied myself the right to feel that I belonged in any relationship, including that of a son. I fight that now... it's a terrible way to feel about yourself. It's disabling to feel that you are not capable of being loved.
It took me 25 years to appreciate who I am. I have had to teach myself to love me. I am just learning to let others love me as well.
I am thankful for my family, particularly my brother. I could never properly express my gratitude and love for him... but he should know. I think he is absolute and pure and amazing and beautiful. I also think he can be an asshole sometimes... but, I wouldn't have him any other way.
Life is worth celebrating.
I still want to cry when I think about it. It's strange for me, because I've never been emotional. I told my pops that this somehow feels healthy, like I've finally learned to mourn. I told him not to worry about me, because I know I am handling this the right way...
I gained some valuable insight into who my father is last night. I love it when he is honestly open and emotionally available to me. For most of my life I denied myself the right to feel that I belonged in any relationship, including that of a son. I fight that now... it's a terrible way to feel about yourself. It's disabling to feel that you are not capable of being loved.
It took me 25 years to appreciate who I am. I have had to teach myself to love me. I am just learning to let others love me as well.
I am thankful for my family, particularly my brother. I could never properly express my gratitude and love for him... but he should know. I think he is absolute and pure and amazing and beautiful. I also think he can be an asshole sometimes... but, I wouldn't have him any other way.
Life is worth celebrating.
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