Above is a view from Thorn's Lair, looking at my backyard.
It snowed last night, which put a damper on the plans to ride my bike. So, it's almost two in the afternoon, and I'm still in my pajamas. Though I may be sipping coffee, listening to Thelonious monk and Live-Journaling at this moment, I haven't been completely lazy today. The wife and I did spend a the better part of this morning cleaning house for the last time until our baby is delivered.
Since the house is now ready, I've escaped to Thorn's to jot a few things down while the wife is resting. Tomorrow we will travel to town for a doctor's appointment followed by a pre-op at the hospital and delivery is scheduled for Wednesday morning.
I have a number of goals to accomplish while off work for the next month to month and a half:
-Bond with the baby.
-Help Marie in her recovery from Cesarean Section
-Put in gravel driveway
-Prepare for and plant Marie's garden
-Post to Livejournal every day
-Ride Mountain bike every day (weather permitting)
-Plant fruit tree in front yard
-Finish reading Kerouac's Big Sur and revisit Dharma Bums.
-Drink copious amounts of coffee
I guess I ought to get moving. I still need to pack my bedroll for the couple of nights we'll be in the hospital. I also want to check my camera's batteries and pack the laptop. It might be time to change my attire for the day...
Anyway, I read a comment from someone when i first moved back to Burney in 2003 - something about "you can never return home," resonated with me in regards to livejournal. Livejournal isn't what it used to be, and that makes me sad. I miss my friends who used to post here...
They're all on active on other platforms, but I miss them on LJ. I should implore them to write here more often, but doubt they will...
If you look closely at my friend's feed, you might catch sight of a tumbleweed...
On a normal day, I would be dreaming of something wild; Hole in the Wall in Glacier National Park, Thousand Lakes Wilderness, Davis Gultch, Utah or any other number of places fit for one to commune with the soul. Today is different. I am not dreaming of the wild, but of my unborn son. According to Marie's calendar, he is full term tomorrow. Unfortunately, he does not seem interested in the world this side of mom's belly and Marie is not showing any sign of cutting him loose.
Two and a half weeks ago, we had an ultrasound to determine his size and they estimated him to be 8 pounds 14 ounces then. Due to his size, the doctor is not going to let him stay in the womb past Wednesday morning. Come hell or high water, there will be a baby in my arms by the 9th of March. In the meantime, I will try to occupy this cup of coffee with a soulful stare, long-drawn breath of it's aroma and an occasional withdraw from the cup into my mouth...
i then tried installing ubuntu, but had the same results and i shelved the laptop.
i recently renewed my interest in linux operating systems because of my job change and thought that i would dust off the laptop again. i chose to install linux mint yesterday and wasn't surprised when the screen still had the disco strobe flash of white. i did a little research and found a nice sudo command for updating and installing nvidia drivers:
sudo apt-get date
sudo apt-get install nvidia-current-settings
since all linux based operating systems that i know of use sudo commands, i am sure that this specific command would resolve my issue whether using kali, ubuntu or any other distribution of linux. I just had to have the right google search parameters to find my fix.
This has been a long month waiting.
There are a couple of goats frolicking in the February sun, rolling on their backs in the grass and playfully chasing each other about. There are about 10 to 15 buildings here and I have found two secure Wifi routers (cavemate and EAT MY DICK). I expected password, or 12345678 to work for one of the two, but no… and I’ll quit trying. The local mountains, covered with juniper trees, sagebrush and a little snow are the best Madeline has to offer, and even then, the these mountains are underwhelming. As far as I can tell, the local goats are the grooviest part of Madeline.
Though, there is an old wooden sign 30 yards in front of me pointing towards Clark Valley and Nevada Highway 81. When things in life settle, I might take my wife, kid and dogs on a little road trip to discover the secrets east of Madeline.
North east of here, about an hour’s drive from where I sit, are the Warner Mountains. The South Warner Wilderness area is one of my favorite places in Northern California to backpack. If it weren’t for the horse people who regularly leave their garbage at Patterson Lake, it would be my favorite place to backpack in said area. But horse people litter (allot) and so it’s not.
Sleep didn’t come easily to me last night. I guess I’m too excited about the nearness of being a dad to rest well. I wouldn’t be surprised if Marie goes into labor today, being stranded over two hours from home and all…
I think I’m going to close my eyes and rest while waiting. I still have a long day ahead of me (snowcat trip up Likely Mountian to look at microwave radio equipment).
wtq's due date is 11 days. the dr. will not allow him to go over two days past due, so i sit here at 13 days or less.
wtq. WTQ. i think we have the coolest of cool names picked out for our little dude. it's unusual, but not unknowable. the wife gave me permission to name him after my brother, but after a considerable amount of meditation on the matter, i decided to go in another direction. T will not be for Thorn. i'm sure he would understand...
marie and i were supposed to keep the name a secret, but she confided in a friend. i'm not telling a soul, however...
that's all i have. i'm tired.
"I want a sister-in-law. One who tells you to keep my nephews and/nieces away from their lunatic uncle."
That was from February 4th, 2002. So, here I am 14 years later (holy shit!) on the verge of becoming a parent for the first time. There is a deep sadness in my heart, knowing that Thorn would have relished being an uncle as much as I am going to enjoy being a dad. I miss him so much.
I’m trying to quickly finish the morning’s pot. I’m working Saturdays until WTQ is born. The Saturday shift frees up a day during the week to accompany Marie to our Dr.’s Appointments during the week (since I’m saving all of my PTO for baby bonding and a Utah trip later in the year). Marie tried to self-induce labor yesterday by thoroughly cleaning house, and being more active than usual. While she was cleaning, I was traveling over the pass to a project for work and came upon a collision on the highway. It was snowing heavily, there was four inches of snow on the road and a 15 minute wait to get past the accident. I texted Marie, “the mountain is a mess, and I’m held up at a traffic stop for a big accident. DO NOT go into labor today.” She texted back, “ok.”
Instructions must have worked, as we’re still on hold.
Almost finished with the pot, time to head on down the road.
I am finding it difficult to focus lately. I am consumed with thoughts about our soon to be born baby boy. There are wishes and fears that come with being a first-time parent and the almighty Holy Fuck! I’m going to be a dad is there too! I’m also experiencing something I haven’t the words for and, while I find the feeling to be one of beauty and awe, I am otherwise having difficulty describing it.
Perhaps, for the first time in my life, I am feeling a real and genuine peacefulness in my heart. I’ve always been terrified at the thought of being a parent, scared of the commitment needed in raising another human being and worried about losing the ability to live my life on my terms only. With less than three weeks until our due date, and a real possibility that he can come at any time, I find myself quietly happier than I have ever been in my life. I’m not scared or worried. I’m grounded, in love and reveling in this chapter of life as it is being written.
I am pleasantly surprised at this version of myself. I think I might stay here for a while…
i took the dogs out on my mountain bike ride today. it was the second ride in two days following 7 months of inactivity and my ass is killing me (bicycle ass is not pleasant). i rode only 2.6 miles, which won't get me close to my 70 mile a week average that i had going last year, but it's a start. i probably will not have an opportunity to ride tomorrow as marie and i have an appointment with the doctor in redding. that trip will effectively kill the day. but, if this weather holds, i plan on riding a bit before and to work each morning going forward.
that's it. that's all i have. time to wander in for dinner.
Livejournal's user ranking list is somewhat baffling to me. I haven't used LJ regularly in so long, but still I'm in 7011th place (all time) and climbing. It seems odd for me to be so high on the list...
I rode my mountain bike for the first time in over half a year today. It was a fun, albeit short trip on the outskirts of town (and with the dogs)! I had never bothered riding with my dogs, mostly because they take the most unpredictable route and are quite fast (dalmatians). I have always envisioned myself bowling over a dog, flying ass over teakettle into a tree and off to the hospital with a mortally wounded dog to boot. They did splendidly well, however (only almost hit one once) and I might take them out again tomorrow.
The wife is short-term with baby. We ran an errand today, took a side road into the woods and walked around a bit. She's exhausted now, in the house with her feet up and the boob-tube on. I'm sipping water, listening to John Coltrane and writing (if you want to call this writing). We're less than three weeks until our baby's due date. I'm excited to meet our little dude.
I've not had a sip of alcohol in 44 days, but have gained five pounds. I found a collector's edition of The Glenlivet Scotch Whiskey at Costco last week. Three bottles (12, 15 and 18 year) for $130. I bought them to replenish the stock at Scott's bar and plan on giving my liver a good dose once our little one is here and we are all settled in as family. Apparently, my waist appreciates a little booze to keep the weight down.
I paid LJ today. $20 for a paid account for the year. I'm hoping a paid account keeps me active here. We'll see.
That's it. That's all I have for today. Cheers LiveJournal.
It is my hope that as a soon-to-be father, I will become less sarcastic and more loving in my humor. I hope that, as I near 44 years of age, I maintain my physical body well enough to be active in my child's life and that I keep my wits about me at the same time. I have never felt this way about another human being: I want to give this little boy my everything. And I hope that some day, in some measure, he finds my efforts to be satisfactory. I hope that he is able to forgive the sins of his father.