kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
so much of this journal was written for other people but, in the end, it is a history of who I have been and where I was going.  It was really written for me.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
i just started the process of tagging my old entries for the sake of making them more searchable.  i'll add that to my list of things to do these next six weeks or so...
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)

Above is a view from Thorn's Lair, looking at my backyard.

It snowed last night, which put a damper on the plans to ride my bike.  So, it's almost two in the afternoon, and I'm still in my pajamas. Though I may be sipping coffee, listening to Thelonious monk and Live-Journaling at this moment, I haven't been completely lazy today.  The wife and I did spend a the better part of this morning cleaning house for the last time until our baby is delivered.

Since the house is now ready, I've escaped to Thorn's to jot a few things down while the wife is resting.  Tomorrow we will travel to town for a doctor's appointment followed by a pre-op at the hospital and delivery is scheduled for Wednesday morning.

I have a number of goals to accomplish while off work for the next month to month and a half:
-Bond with the baby.
-Help Marie in her recovery from Cesarean Section
-Put in gravel driveway
-Fix sprinklers
-Prepare for and plant Marie's garden
-Post to Livejournal every day
-Ride Mountain bike every day (weather permitting)
-Plant fruit tree in front yard
-Finish reading Kerouac's Big Sur and revisit Dharma Bums.
-Drink copious amounts of coffee

I guess I ought to get moving.  I still need to pack my bedroll for the couple of nights we'll be in the hospital.  I also want to check my camera's batteries and pack the laptop.  It might be time to change my attire for the day...
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Still reading through old entries. I think I'm going to go back through them, when I'm done with this run, and tag my old posts. I'd like this journal to be more easily navigated.

Anyway, I read a comment from someone when i first moved back to Burney in 2003 - something about "you can never return home," resonated with me in regards to livejournal. Livejournal isn't what it used to be, and that makes me sad. I miss my friends who used to post here...

They're all on active on other platforms, but I miss them on LJ. I should implore them to write here more often, but doubt they will...

If you look closely at my friend's feed, you might catch sight of a tumbleweed...
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
El Nino is trying to sweep my spirit away with a torrent of Pacific wind and rain. I just made a fresh pot of coffee in an effort to deal with the angst of this burgeoning storm. Now I sit at my work computer, hot cup of joe in hand, wishing this Saturday away...

On a normal day, I would be dreaming of something wild; Hole in the Wall in Glacier National Park, Thousand Lakes Wilderness, Davis Gultch, Utah or any other number of places fit for one to commune with the soul. Today is different. I am not dreaming of the wild, but of my unborn son. According to Marie's calendar, he is full term tomorrow. Unfortunately, he does not seem interested in the world this side of mom's belly and Marie is not showing any sign of cutting him loose.

Two and a half weeks ago, we had an ultrasound to determine his size and they estimated him to be 8 pounds 14 ounces then. Due to his size, the doctor is not going to let him stay in the womb past Wednesday morning. Come hell or high water, there will be a baby in my arms by the 9th of March. In the meantime, I will try to occupy this cup of coffee with a soulful stare, long-drawn breath of it's aroma and an occasional withdraw from the cup into my mouth...
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
i bought a laptop from katie a couple of years ago when i was taking my comptia network+ class and had a novice's interest in network security.  i had removed windows from the laptop and installed kali linux, but the operating system caused the screen to flash white constantly and i couldn't find a "fix" for the issue.

i then tried installing ubuntu, but had the same results and i shelved the laptop.

i recently renewed my interest in linux operating systems because of my job change and thought that i would dust off the laptop again.  i chose to install linux mint yesterday and wasn't surprised when the screen still had the disco strobe flash of white.  i did a little research and found a nice sudo command for updating and installing nvidia drivers:
sudo apt-get date
sudo apt-get install nvidia-current-settings

problem fixed!

since all linux based operating systems that i know of use sudo commands, i am sure that this specific command would resolve my issue whether using kali, ubuntu or any other distribution of linux.  I just had to have the right google search parameters to find my fix.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Four days until full term and the wife is miserable.  In turn, I am miserable too (sympathy misery, lack of sleep, event anxiety, and a general fear of the whole birthing process).  We were hoping that she would be dilated for our Doctor's appointment this past Tuesday, but the baby has the curtains pulled tight.  The wife whined that her cervix was a steel trap as we left our appointment.  Poor girl.  We have a C-section tentatively scheduled for Wednesday morning.  By head or tail, I should be a pops by Wednesday afternoon...


This has been a long month waiting.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
i am saddened by the decline in my writing skills.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Have you ever been stuck in Madeline, California?  I am.  My tire went flat driving from Ash Valley to Alturas and so here I wait on roadside assistance.  I was aware that this truck did not have a spare tire, and now I regret not doing something about it prior to this adventure.  I haven’t much to do, as I sit here waiting for the mobile tire repair person, so I’ll write a little about Madeline.

There are a couple of goats frolicking in the February sun, rolling on their backs in the grass and playfully chasing each other about.  There are about 10 to 15 buildings here and I have found two secure Wifi routers (cavemate and EAT MY DICK).  I expected password, or 12345678 to work for one of the two, but no… and I’ll quit trying.  The local mountains, covered with juniper trees, sagebrush and a little snow are the best Madeline has to offer, and even then, the these mountains are underwhelming.  As far as I can tell, the local goats are the grooviest part of Madeline.

Though, there is an old wooden sign 30 yards in front of me pointing towards Clark Valley and Nevada Highway 81.  When things in life settle, I might take my wife, kid and dogs on a little road trip to discover the secrets east of Madeline.

North east of here, about an hour’s drive from where I sit,  are the Warner Mountains.  The South Warner Wilderness area is one of my favorite places in Northern California to backpack.  If it weren’t for the horse people who regularly leave their garbage at Patterson Lake, it would be my favorite place to backpack in said area.   But horse people litter (allot) and so it’s not.

Sleep didn’t come easily to me last night.  I guess I’m too excited about the nearness of being a dad to rest well.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Marie goes into labor today, being stranded over two hours from home and all…

I think I’m going to close my eyes and rest while waiting.  I still have a long day ahead of me (snowcat trip up Likely Mountian to look at microwave radio equipment).

kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
i'm staring into a sea of communication machines, humming and churning data from the middle of nowhere to the far reaches of the planet.  i didn't sleep well last night. the sum of too big an afternoon nap followed by a healthy dose of joe and a mind a little less idle than it should be in the late hours of the night is exhaustion.

wtq's due date is 11 days.  the dr. will not allow him to go over two days past due, so i sit here at 13 days or less.

wtq.  WTQ.  i think we have the coolest of cool names picked out for our little dude.  it's unusual, but not unknowable.  the wife gave me permission to name him after my brother, but after a considerable amount of meditation on the matter, i decided to go in another direction.  T will not be for Thorn.  i'm sure he would understand...

marie and i were supposed to keep the name a secret, but she confided in a friend.  i'm not telling a soul, however...

that's all i have.  i'm tired.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I started down a rabbit hole and am having difficulty finding my way out...  I'm reading old posts, starting with the first I made at LiveJournal.  I found this little gem of a reply to a post from my brother:

"I want a sister-in-law. One who tells you to keep my nephews and/nieces away from their lunatic uncle."

That was from February 4th, 2002.  So, here I am 14 years later (holy shit!) on the verge of becoming a parent for the first time.  There is a deep sadness in my heart, knowing that Thorn would have relished being an uncle as much as I am going to enjoy being a dad.  I miss him so much.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)

I’m trying to quickly finish the morning’s pot.  I’m working Saturdays until WTQ is born.  The Saturday shift frees up a day during the week to accompany Marie to our Dr.’s  Appointments during the week (since I’m saving all of my PTO for baby bonding and a Utah trip later in the year).  Marie tried to self-induce labor yesterday by thoroughly cleaning house, and being more active than usual.  While she was cleaning, I was traveling over the pass to a project for work and came upon a collision on the highway.  It was snowing heavily, there was four inches of snow on the road and a 15 minute wait to get past the accident.  I texted Marie, “the mountain is a mess, and I’m held up at a traffic stop for a big accident.  DO NOT go into labor today.”  She texted back, “ok.”

Instructions must have worked, as we’re still on hold.


Almost finished with the pot, time to head on down the road.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I’m sitting in a small communications hut in a remote part of northern California.  It’s raining and cold outside, but I  have the door propped open due to the fact that I find it difficult to breath when it’s closed.  Two four foot fluorescent lights offer a little illumination to my dungy surroundings and I welcome what little natural light I can get in.  This 7 foot by 5 foot building is the final resting place for hundreds of flies, mosquitoes, spiders, and other bugs I am currently unwilling to identify.  The hum and rattle of communications equipment is all I can hear as I type away on my laptop.  I am waiting of a network engineer to return my call as we are trying to increase our bandwidth by moving our communications off of the copper spans that have fed this remote site for years and onto the newly installed fiber optic cable.  I am in hurry up and wait mode.

I am finding it difficult to focus lately.  I am consumed with thoughts about our soon to be born baby boy.  There are wishes and fears that come with being a first-time parent and the almighty Holy Fuck!  I’m going to be a dad is there too!  I’m also experiencing something I haven’t the words for and, while I find the feeling to be one of beauty and awe, I am otherwise having difficulty describing it.

Perhaps, for the first time in my life, I am feeling a real and genuine peacefulness in my heart.  I’ve always been terrified at the thought of being a parent, scared of the commitment needed in raising another human being and worried about losing the ability to live my life on my terms only.  With less than three weeks until our due date, and a real possibility that he can come at any time, I find myself quietly happier than I have ever been in my life.  I’m not scared or worried.  I’m grounded, in love and reveling in this chapter of life as it is being written.

I am pleasantly surprised at this version of myself.  I think I might stay here for a while…
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
i haven't been backpacking this winter.  i usually make a trip, whether by boot or snowshoe, every january.  i passed on making a trip this winter to stay close at home and to marie.  the picture in this post, from last july, is at hufford lake in thousand lakes wilderness.  it was aiyah's first backpacking trip, and the first in 7 years where i didn't take coltrane (not counting my various trips into glacier national park, where dogs are not allowed on trail).  i'm curious as to how marie and i will feel about backpacking with a baby.  i know that we are planning on taking him this summer, but i also know that life as new parents will change how we see and do things.

i took the dogs out on my mountain bike ride today.  it was the second ride in two days following 7 months of inactivity and my ass is killing me (bicycle ass is not pleasant).  i rode only 2.6 miles, which won't get me close to my 70 mile a week average that i had going last year, but it's a start.   i probably will not have an opportunity to ride tomorrow as marie and i have an appointment with the doctor in redding.  that trip will effectively kill the day.  but, if this weather holds, i plan on riding a bit before and to work each morning going forward.

that's it.  that's all i have.  time to wander in for dinner.
kazatasupa: (Desert)

Livejournal's user ranking list is somewhat baffling to me. I haven't used LJ regularly in so long, but still I'm in 7011th place (all time) and climbing. It seems odd for me to be so high on the list...

I rode my mountain bike for the first time in over half a year today. It was a fun, albeit short trip on the outskirts of town (and with the dogs)! I had never bothered riding with my dogs, mostly because they take the most unpredictable route and are quite fast (dalmatians). I have always envisioned myself bowling over a dog, flying ass over teakettle into a tree and off to the hospital with a mortally wounded dog to boot. They did splendidly well, however (only almost hit one once) and I might take them out again tomorrow.

The wife is short-term with baby. We ran an errand today, took a side road into the woods and walked around a bit. She's exhausted now, in the house with her feet up and the boob-tube on. I'm sipping water, listening to John Coltrane and writing (if you want to call this writing). We're less than three weeks until our baby's due date. I'm excited to meet our little dude.

I've not had a sip of alcohol in 44 days, but have gained five pounds. I found a collector's edition of The Glenlivet Scotch Whiskey at Costco last week. Three bottles (12, 15 and 18 year) for $130. I bought them to replenish the stock at Scott's bar and plan on giving my liver a good dose once our little one is here and we are all settled in as family. Apparently, my waist appreciates a little booze to keep the weight down.

I paid LJ today. $20 for a paid account for the year. I'm hoping a paid account keeps me active here. We'll see.

That's it. That's all I have for today. Cheers LiveJournal.


Feb. 3rd, 2016 03:00 pm
kazatasupa: (Desert)
i remember writing here without the use of capitol letters, though i can't recall why.  i believe there was a reason beyond laziness, though.  i find there to be a certain aesthetic appeal in not using them, so today i'll refrain from their application.
i've been working a lot lately and marie has quietly been unhappy about it.  a comment here, or there and her body language are enough to know.  we're entering the last month of pregnancy, and she is quite uncomfortable, unable to rest easily and therefore exhausted most of the time.  she reads a lot, and watches a little television while the dogs pester her relentlessly (they're bored too).  i'm hoping the overtime tapers off a little for the rest of the month, as i would like to attend to her as much as possible.
having said that, i have a long drive to complete before calling it a day.  off to ash valley, then back to burney (a mere 110 miles of travel left to my day - many of which are on a dirt road).  here's too working in the middle of nowhere!
kazatasupa: (Desert)
I have not had a drink since New Year's Eve. That is 28 days for those who count such things. Interestingly enough, giving up the drink was not born from the tradition of resolutions. My intentions revolve around a pregnant wife who loves beer, wine and spirits as much, if not more so than I. Were I a better husband, I would have offered support and solidarity to the cause of pregnancy by choosing not to drink in July. A better husband I am not and, with blessings from my wife, I continued to drink happily through the summer, fall and holiday seasons (the latter being my favorite time for a beer). With a baby's due date quickly approaching (March 6), I chose January 1st as a convenient day to give up drinking alcohol. This is not a huge change to my yearly traditions, mind you... I usually take a month, or so off from consuming loaded beverages around New Year's anyway. I use the time to assess whether or not I have a need for alcohol. That, and the season of dark beers usually overwhelms my palette, and my body requires a few weeks of only water (and coffee. God knows I NEED coffee). I haven't experienced any cravings - aside from thinking a glass of wine would be nice when listening to Coltrane's, "A Love Supreme." So, I'm standing by my sober, pregnant wife - in solidarity, until the baby is born (or a few weeks afterwards).
kazatasupa: (Desert)
I've long had a thing for instrumental jazz music.  I'm not as knowledgeable about artists as I would like.  I often kick around with a few of the standard artists like John Coltrane, Thelonious Monk, Miles Davis, and Sonny Rollins.  At times I'll listen to the like of Ornette Coleman, Lester Young, Coleman Hawkins and Art Blakey.  And, the Stanely Turrentine album, "Ballads" has a sentimental place in my heart.  Unfortunately, my experience with Jazz tapers off right about there (well, I have a friend in Utah who has a pretty fun Acid Jazz band called, "The Chickens").
I love living in the middle of nowhere, but I there are things I miss about living in or near a city.  Live music is on top of that list.  I often think about how nice it would be to mosey on down to the local watering-hole to catch a traveling musician play a set of the classics.  I'm not even sure that there's a jazz club within 200 miles of where I live.  The bay area (San Francisco) would be the closest sure thing.  Maybe Portland?  Maybe Reno?  Probably not Reno.
Living in the sticks.  Musically, perhaps I should prefer the Blues...
kazatasupa: (Desert)
In an effort to teach an old dog old tricks...
I have endeavored to write here more often.  My goal, however unrealistic, is to post a minimum of 100 words a day.  Given the amount of time I spend working, a wife with whom I love to share time, a baby due shortly,  and a group of friends with whom we (Marie and I) are extremely active (not to mention my Lion's Club and Library Board commitments), I may not be able to follow through completely.  But here's to the good old-fashioned college try.
Why?  I miss LJ.  That's a big part of it.  I had started an Ello account because I missed LJ and some of my old friends here jumped on that trendy bandwagon.  I soon realized that, in my old age, it was a bit too fashionable for me.  And, honestly, if I missed this site, then this is where I belong.
I also want to be in the habit of writing more.  It's that simple.  I feel like I have taken a couple of steps down the intellectual ladder and am hopeful that I can start writing my way to a more thoughtful me.
That's all I have time for tonight, but it's a start.
Cheers, LJ!  I hope to stay a while.
kazatasupa: (Desert)
I have recently given much thought to the quantity and quality of "bad" habits I have. More specifically, the things I do that I hope not to pass onto my son. In preparation for my son's birth, I have reflected a great deal on the relationship I have with my father. And, in doing so, have realized how much of his behavioural constitution I have adopted as my own. To say I am terrified at what I have become might be a bit of an overstatement. I am generally happy with who I am, but am concerned with the qualities that I have learned from my dad and adapted to fit nicely into my lifestyle. I am not interested in besmirching the man's character, so I will not do that (I will note that, by all accounts, my dad is an honest man who loves his wife and family). What I will say is that some of his biggest influences on me have shown in my humor (sarcasm) and home life (I spend too much time in front of the television). His humor and lethargy (both physical and intellectual) were a constant source of frustration for me as a child.

It is my hope that as a soon-to-be father, I will become less sarcastic and more loving in my humor. I hope that, as I near 44 years of age, I maintain my physical body well enough to be active in my child's life and that I keep my wits about me at the same time. I have never felt this way about another human being: I want to give this little boy my everything. And I hope that some day, in some measure, he finds my efforts to be satisfactory. I hope that he is able to forgive the sins of his father.


kazatasupa: (Default)

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