kazatasupa (
kazatasupa) wrote2002-03-20 01:05 pm
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
(no subject)
I'm still exhausted, but did get some sleep last night. I feel like I can start sleeping again (fingers crossed).
I called my mother yesterday in search of my brother's phone number...
I called Willie and left a message. He called me and left a message. I called him again, and was fortunate to catch him. We talked for about 50 minutes. He invited me out west for a vacation. I'm digesting my thoughts on everything in the universe right now... it was much more simple when the cosmos existed in Sagan's basketball. I'd like to spend some time with him, though... that would be very nice.
My dad called me later. He told me that I was a really good person, which really felt good to hear. He gave me my brother's number (which was busy all night long).
I walked down to juice and java for an early-evening cup of coffee. Once there, I called Megan and Natalia to see if they would like to come visit me. Both obliged and were there in a matter of minutes. Natalia is in the middle of an argument with her boyfriend. They're not talking. Megan is dealing with an ex who is thinking about moving to Utah...
Everyone has relationship issues.
Eventually, Natalia left for home... Megan and I continued to sit outside for a while, then Ryn came by for a hot chocolate. I walked over to her car, she asked me if I wanted a warm seat.... I did.
She drove us out to Utah Lake where we sat and talked for a long while. I tried to express myself as well as I possibly could (that's all I can do, really). I asked a few questions, and listened to her answers and what she thought... I listened to what she wanted, her wishes...
Still doomed.
I think I've dreamt about this girl my whole life... I'm an honest person, and I'm not confused about anything in regards to my feelings for her. For me, there is truth in love... I'm overwhelmed in comfort and joy when with her, and then, in her absence... well...
We drove back into town, she purchased some Nestlie Crunch ice cream bars, and then back to my apartment, where she allowed me to hold her and, in turn, she caressed my heart...
I'm sorry, Ryn... for being so difficult. It's just that I can breathe when I am with you.
I called my mother yesterday in search of my brother's phone number...
I called Willie and left a message. He called me and left a message. I called him again, and was fortunate to catch him. We talked for about 50 minutes. He invited me out west for a vacation. I'm digesting my thoughts on everything in the universe right now... it was much more simple when the cosmos existed in Sagan's basketball. I'd like to spend some time with him, though... that would be very nice.
My dad called me later. He told me that I was a really good person, which really felt good to hear. He gave me my brother's number (which was busy all night long).
I walked down to juice and java for an early-evening cup of coffee. Once there, I called Megan and Natalia to see if they would like to come visit me. Both obliged and were there in a matter of minutes. Natalia is in the middle of an argument with her boyfriend. They're not talking. Megan is dealing with an ex who is thinking about moving to Utah...
Everyone has relationship issues.
Eventually, Natalia left for home... Megan and I continued to sit outside for a while, then Ryn came by for a hot chocolate. I walked over to her car, she asked me if I wanted a warm seat.... I did.
She drove us out to Utah Lake where we sat and talked for a long while. I tried to express myself as well as I possibly could (that's all I can do, really). I asked a few questions, and listened to her answers and what she thought... I listened to what she wanted, her wishes...
Still doomed.
I think I've dreamt about this girl my whole life... I'm an honest person, and I'm not confused about anything in regards to my feelings for her. For me, there is truth in love... I'm overwhelmed in comfort and joy when with her, and then, in her absence... well...
We drove back into town, she purchased some Nestlie Crunch ice cream bars, and then back to my apartment, where she allowed me to hold her and, in turn, she caressed my heart...
I'm sorry, Ryn... for being so difficult. It's just that I can breathe when I am with you.
It occurs to me...
...that the need for psychology classes would be completely unneccessary for counselling purposes, if people simply took interpersonal communications courses. People concentrate too much on trying to understand the other person's mindset and motive, but would get so much further if they simply knew how to properly listen and communicate.
I guess I do have a contempt for authority. Not certain forms of authority, but one distinctly, along the lines of religion. I don't understand how anyone can not distinguish between "The Will of the Church" and the "Will of God".
Further, I can not understand how one can not question the authority of the church in the context of being in conformity with God's will, when that holiest, noblest, and purest of God's gifts, that of Free Will is completely thrown out the door and the Will of the Church is given with TRUE threats to one's spiritual health for disobediance--- excommunication, denial of fellowship, forced exile and alienation from your brothers and sisters in Christ... what the Hel? "Get back on your knees sheep, or we'll take God away from you." As if any man had the power to take God away from another. How and when has ANY church ever won salvation for any of its followers through extortion? Of course, that's one thing the Church and the God described in the bible (whom I disagree with as being God, even if that description is closer than any other religion) have always had in common. "Worship me or go to Hell."
Come Rapture, I will have my proof of Jehova as Most High. I will have my proof of the Christian paradigm as True. I will be a devote believer in Christ as the Son of God... I won't follow him as my redeemer (I'm sorry, Nietzche is still right here--- re: "The Anti-Christ"), but I will follow his example as Evangel (the TRUE Christian). But until Jesus returns to bring his Kingdom to Earth (and you goofy Mormons are wrong, but still sweet people, if weak.) I'll keep my Hammer close, and see the flawed, man's institution of the Church perish in flames. Well. Not literally. At anyrate, even if that never happens in my life time, and I'm wrong, well... I'll have lived my life standing on my two feet, and not on my knees. I couldn't be more grateful for anything else. That's worth time in Purgatory.
Sorry about the whole busy phone line thing. My roomate, Chicken-lips, has been downloading classic 80's Transformers cartoons in an attempt to bribe my co-worker, Curtis, with a burned CD of them as a partial downpayment for a tattoo he wants him to do for him. So...
I'll talk to you tomorrow Matt. I have Thursday completely off.
Re: It occurs to me...
you've kept me sane. thank you.