handicapped...

[kazatasupa]

I like Danny.

There were times, as a child, when I thought I was retarded. I wondered why I wasn't in the special-ed classes. I actually thought that people were nice to me because they had to be nice to a kid who was mentally handicapped. Mrs. Berchum and Mr. Moss were both incredibly cruel teachers who destroyed anything resembling self-esteem that I might have had. On the last day of my stint in the third-grade, Berchum told me, "I passed you, but you'll never make it out of the fourth grade."

Fucking bitch. You never say that to a child. Ever.

In high-school, I had a huge crush on a Kathi G. I asked her out one evening, over the phone. She said no, "I'm washing my hair..."

I don't think Kathi was, or is a cruel person... although she would say other things later that hurt. She did ask me to walk with her at graduation. God, I was the happiest kid in the world.

Mr. Osborne would call me "Dud" in class during my senior year. I laughed, because I thought it was true... I was a dud.

I use to spend a lot of time hiding as a youth. I spent a lot of time hating myself, thinking the world was unreasonably cruel, thinking that I had no place to be.

That child still hides within me. He's still there. I can feel him some days, longing to be inside but feeling cold an worthless... on the outside looking in. He's only a shadow, a whisper from a lost voice, but he's still in there... always will be.

And, then there's Danny. I see that same pain in his eyes and it breaks me. I know what he means when he calls himself a "fucking asshole." I've cried those same tears... I too have tried to fit in, and felt the piercing pain of rejection.

Danny, my boy, it's not your fault. It's not your fault...

I hate suffering.

I like Danny.

Comments

[sivvy.livejournal.com]

Mr. Woldvogle
He was mine.
He and my parents.
I still toy with the idea of getting a plaque made inscribed: "KILLER OF DREAMS" and gluing it to his door.

[kazatasupa.livejournal.com]

Mrs. Berchum was murdered by her husband a few years ago. Her husband died from head trama when their son, nick (a guy I grew up with), tackled (or pushed) him away from his mother. When I heard the news, I felt indifferent about her death, but terrible for Nick.

To have your parents both die within seconds of each other... and in that bizzare manner. I just couldn't imagine.

[marekind.livejournal.com]

DAMN.

[ex-fauxpas266.livejournal.com]

I had this insane fourth-grade teacher who would get all red in the face, his veins popping out of his neck, yelling at his students, "YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!" He would relentlessly make fun of students' shortcomings (even petty things like the angle at which they kept their paper when they wrote), and once I even remember him making fun of a girl for being fat.

There are so many stories about him. Not only was he a grade-A asshole, he was also very childmolesterish. He did some VERY inappropriate things (e.g. pull down his pants in front of us, revealing his Speedos). I should write about him some time. Unfortunately he is still teaching.

[kazatasupa.livejournal.com]

you should write about him and have the piece published in a local paper, or at least sent to the school.

christ!!! speedos???

that could be funny in a bar, but a classroom full of children? that's sick.

[ex-fauxpas266.livejournal.com]

My parents did report some of his inappropriate behavior to the school. He was basically let go (actually, coerced into quitting) at the end of the year, but a recent Google search indicated that he found employment at a private school ... He is bilingual in Spanish and English, and there is a desperate need for such teachers in San Diego ... I wonder if the 15-year-old memories of a former student would be taken seriously, were I to write a letter to the school about them ...

[kazatasupa.livejournal.com]

it would be interesting to see how the school would react to a letter. what if you were able to contact parents of children attending the school?

[ex-fauxpas266.livejournal.com]

Probably what such a letter would be the most useful for is if there were other complaints about him -- mine would serve to back up all the other complaints. Like if they had reason to doubt the complaints, maybe one more would tip the scale.

[callas.livejournal.com]

What an incredibly naked post. That takes guts. Like i'm sure you didn't know that, but...

[kazatasupa.livejournal.com]

sometimes i feel naked. sometimes, i just am!