kazatasupa: (fatherson)
barley wine and nora jones.

the house is empty. open windows without screens and bugs following paths beat by little wings. they come and go, as if driven by a methodical process; in and out they go, some stopping to feed from my blood, others wandering aimlessly along walls, floors and ceilings, still others drawn by the glow of a dimly lit lamp. a slight breeze occasionally lifts the curtains away from their listless hang, giving life to a house as if guided by an unseen hand.

i like this house. the warm wood floors, and soft evening colors. nora's voice fills the living space with such warmth that i can close my eyes and feel her presence next to me. if you can't see, she's sitting across the room - singing to me.

j and his girl just came home from dinner. sitting in the next room, they remind me of a painting. no words, little movement as their eyes are cast out into an infinite moment...

this place is so fucking moody. it fits me well...
for the time being.
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
sitting at home. beer to my left, miles davis through speakers to my right, olives sitting next to my phone and i'm surfing e-bay in an effort to land a used 4-track recorder. i'd like to record my sounds... whatever that means.

J. and [livejournal.com profile] biloba are out of town this evening and the house belongs to me. silence. i thought of inviting people over, but that would be a waste of a grand solitary oppertunity. [livejournal.com profile] bouteloua is on her way out from california, where she's been spending time with her soon to be H-man. i hope she gets here friday - which would be tomorrow - as i am planning a weekend trip into the mountains with N. of course, she might not be able to go - her sister is moving to portland, oregon to earn a certification in some sort of yoga...

all is well... i'll follow that river, follow that river down...
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
hiked rock canyon this afternoon with jared. ended up on the loop that moves past the bath hole... didn't take my clothes off, just kept moving.

i had the entire house to myself today, as jason and [livejournal.com profile] biloba went to park city this morning for a bluegrass concert. this house is amazing when alone...

*sigh,* solitude.
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
morning:

where did all the sleep go? to the bar... actually, i fell into bed sometime after 2:30 - having had a couple of beers at home and a stein of king's peak porter at the bar. [livejournal.com profile] biloba had [livejournal.com profile] jentle over last night (they stayed at the house as jason and i skipped down to the watering hole) and i'm not quite sure what's going on there. it's not my place to speculate, but i hope it's good...

off to a day long library meeting. i hope this coffee holds up.
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
sat on the porch, drank a 40 of Miller Genuine Draft (otherwise known as really bad beer), and played guitar for 40 minutes, or so. yes, i think i'll like my stay here. [livejournal.com profile] biloba is out back with chris, cutting his book shelf in half. i'm listening to temple of the dog, and thinking about how simple and focused things have become. life is not very complicated.

my head is screwed on tight.

jason is out with his son, having italian food somewhere provo.

i'm going to offer the fella's a couple wasatch pale ales.
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
I'm having trouble writing anything in detail. I guess I'm not interested, really... however, here's a list of things I did followed by things I thought.

Did:
Woke Saturday slightly hung-over
Ran into [livejournal.com profile] biloba at Juice and Java
Had coffee
Drove to Salt Lake City
Had more coffee at Salt Lake Coffee Break
Got bored
Called Nicole
Hung out for a couple hours
Had lunch w/ Nicole
Left Nicole, met up with Jared and Ryan
Went to Utah Arts Festival
Ran into Jason
Left festival after 3 hours and went to Jason's house
Drank beer, had dinner
Took Trax down to Port O Call
Drank a lot of beer and dance to 2 and 1/2 White Guys
Watched Jason hit on many, many girls
Walked back towards Jason's house.
Jason, in a drunken stupor, started running
When I got to Jason's house, he was no where to be found
After waiting for 20 minutes, I broke into his house through the kitchen window, took a shower and went to bed.
Sometime during the night I heard Jason come in.
Woke late Sunday morning
Realized that I had spent over 80 dollars in the bar the night before.
Found out that Jason passed out in someone's front yard.
Went back to Salt Lake Coffee Break for coffee
Drove home.
Went to bed really early.

Thoughts:
People are selfish
I absolutely hate sexually abusive people
I don't believe in love
I don't trust people
I loathe the way people act in bars
I really like dancing drunk
I have little, if any hope that the world will turn out as I wish it could.
I like girls who work in coffee shops
I can see age in my face
I'm scared

weekend

Jun. 10th, 2002 05:52 pm
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
the short of it:

went to 2 and 1/2 white guys at abg's friday and saturday night. i drank a lot of beer, but suffered not one ill-effect of a weekend well done. megan, jared and i took the great western trail out of south fork canyon for a five mile hike on sunday. it's been a while since i made an effort to hike that much (pretty steep too) and suffered a chaffed crotch in the process. the hike was followed with cheese pizza, beer and a nap on the couch as the lakers beat the nets in game three of the finals. later, jared and i drove to jason's (a mere block away) to drink beer and migrate to a party just south of byu. jason had a date (i'm confused - isn't he still dating angela?) whose name is lindsey. she studies philosophy. i think i'm in love with jason's sunday night date.

the party was for sarah, who is moving to alaska to earn her phd in biology. sarah and i held hands home from the bar one night two summers ago... i had no idea she was a lesbian at the time... she's a cool girl and i'll miss seeing her around town. allen was at the party when we arrived. i instantly took three of his beers, but didn't feel too bad as i had paid is way in the door and purchased a pitcher of beer for his consumption friday night. he left once megan and havalah showed. the three are roommates and there seems to be a rift developing...

jared played foos ball and worked up a mighty sweat while at it. i laughed.

we went home and i tried to sleep...
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
30... aint so bad.

people i am thankful for (in no particular order):

jared, megan, al, hav, willie, thorn, ryn (i'm glad you're staying), mom and dad, janice and jamie (morning coffee shop girls), nicole, cousin chris, aunt joyce, jeremy, marsha, shelby and cameron, jason... and there are others.

i am thankful for the above people, because they have made my life interestingly beautiful and continue to do so. in quiet contemplation intertwined with outward conversation, i have realized that i am blessed to have people touch me every day... and these are the people who touch me. Whether through a kind cup of joe, playful banter in the hot tub, or a phone call reminding me that i am cared for, i am surrounded by people whom care for me, and who i also care for...

i am blessed.

on my way

Mar. 18th, 2002 07:43 pm
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
over to jason call's.

i'm going to have him burn some jazz cds for me. hey, anyone out there listen to jazz? if so, who is your favorite artist? recommend, recommend...

thanks.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
i just realized how sad my last post sounded... i'm not sad, just bored. shit.

i was fortunate to get off from work really early this afternoon. i did get to see ryn for a second, but we really didn't get to talk. she had the coolest (cutest) pants on. corduroy!!!

jared was visiting with megan and jody when i got home. she invited me to breakfast (at 1:30 pm)... for which she offered to pay. having not had a think to eat for nearly 24 hours, i accepted. so, the four of us went to a mexican restaurant which had an amazing plate of huevos rancheros.

after the late breakfast, i went home to nap... but, jason called and woke me. when i tried to go back to sleep the neighbors started playing japanese pop music full blast. i guess there is no rest for the wicked (why does ozzy have to be right?).

now, i'm off to see jason. he has a business proposition for me, i guess. he's interested in investing money into a coffee shop. we'll see... i'm not sure i can commit to anything in Utah... just not sure.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
slc was a blast.

went bar hopping with jason, jared, nate, ruth and megan. ended up listening to a guy play old elton john songs as we sat next to a fire place drinking $10 pitchers of beer. we tipped the waitress $20 and called it an evening aroung 2 am.

slept in a bed in jason's slc-home basement, megan and nate slept in the next room, jared and ruth upstairs and jason... well, i'm not sure where jason was.

his house is beautiful... up on the bench, overlooking downtown slc... i watched the sun set from his porch. the evening-sky colors can be amazing in this state.

now, i'm going home to take a nap.

yes, a nap.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
received another e-mail from willie. i'm falling behind... need to write him. how's tomorrow sound? we'll see. i've been extraordinarily busy... no time to do anything (or, so it seems)...

so,
i'm on my way to slc, but don't really want to go.

ryn is in logan, visiting her sister for the weekend. i miss her. if i could hold her in my arms for eternity, i would.

i went to bed last night at nine, woke this morning at nine... went for coffee, to the bank, to the store, paid rent, fixed the door on my jeep and the fuel leak. now i can register the damn thing.

now, up to see jason call and have dinner. we're going to a jazz bar in search of entertainment.

drive, man.. drive.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Again... looking out over Utah Lake and the mountains beyond. A morning winter wonderland with pink clouds hanging over the mountains, illuminated by the still hiding sun. I dropped myself off at work this morning, Jared took my jeep up to Salt Lake City to see his family (for this, he bought me a cup of coffee and I am forever grateful - especially right now, as I am drink it).

New Year's Eve was the most lovely of my life...

There were friends and others from the neighborhood at Jason's house. Ruth shared her alcoholic riches, which enabled me to get really well lit. Natalia called me around 11:30 and asked if I wanted to go downtown to watch the ball drop. She met me at Jason's and we walked downtown from there (only four blocks). Heavy falling snow mixed with the live band, ball dropping, and fireworks as people danced in the streets left me with an "almost saved" feeling... New Year's Eve has no real human significance... and only one that is practical: we change our calendars... but, whatever it is, it does ask us to reflect and gives people a sense of renewal... again, another example of a christian influence on a right pagan holiday! Wash away the old year, with the old faults and bring in a new year with a promise of change! The slate is clean, make your resolutions and do the best that you can...

My resolutions:

Be Direct
Be Organized
Give My Love Away
Get Into Best Shape of Life (by May, 6 - my 30th birthday).
Get Life Moving ---> That Way! (I've been stagnant for the last 3 years).
Stop Slipping Into Lonliness

The last resolution may be the most difficult...

I'm procrastinating. I've got a ton of work to do, and I don't know where to start. This is depressing.

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