kazatasupa: (fatherson)
hiked rock canyon this afternoon with jared. ended up on the loop that moves past the bath hole... didn't take my clothes off, just kept moving.

i had the entire house to myself today, as jason and [livejournal.com profile] biloba went to park city this morning for a bluegrass concert. this house is amazing when alone...

*sigh,* solitude.

anymore

Jun. 15th, 2002 09:32 am
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
all i want to do is hike. under the sun, follow the stars, moist lips on misty mountain (tips?)...

hiking.

i'm gone.

real quick

Jun. 13th, 2002 11:23 pm
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
i've got to be the funniest person in the fucking universe, and today was nice... real nice.

woke
had coffee
skipped class
went hiking
on the way up, saw a snake
bathed nude in a small creek
on the way down, saw 4 snakes (one great basin rattle snake!)
ate lunch
had more coffee
went to work
ate claudine's jelly bellys (but left a surprise in her candy dish)
got the program onto ryn's computer, but couldn't install it (don't have administrative rights)
checked books out to people
talked to mother
talked to brother
listened to jack johnson
made big dreams

a nice day, really...
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
i'm going hiking:
shorts
boots
water
wind
sound
face
peace
mountains
silence
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
i don't feel well...
headache, stomach unsettled, bad attitude
i'm skipping class and heading into the mountains
hiking.

Medicine

May. 28th, 2002 05:05 pm
kazatasupa: (fatherson)
Leave work early, go hiking, let sun touch nipples...

I think I feel a bit better
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Jared and I spent all of yesterday afternoon exploring a section of Rock Canyon which we have never been in. I find it amazing, and cleansing (if that's the word I am searching for), that so many snow-shoe trips end up being the "best." Yesterday's was no exception. It's also interesting that the main trail, packed down and easy to traverse, is also the most laborious and exhausting part of the hike. Getting off the path, creating my own trail and sensing a new place is very invigorating. We must have climbed over two thousand feet... it sure is quiet, up where few people venture and non-human nature keeps to itself. I always fall deeply in love when time and my sense of place erode until I am left to whims of nature... struck by beauty in such a way that I forget all social constructs and find myself connected to everything I do not understand. That's when I find true freedom and am most able to express what it is to be me... I am fucking wild!
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Wait. Wait... I'm just waiting and bored. I suppose I could do something more productive than surf ebay, looking for antique coffee grinder/brewer/roaster stuff. Oh, well... I don't feel like being productive. I am waiting for the hour hand to reach seven. Then I will go work out. As far as my diet goes, I didn't lose any weight since yesterday (and I'm not sure that losing weight is always a good measuring stick, but I don't have much else I can report on). I'm still at 244. It is incredibly difficult to get onto livejournal today... bitch, bitch, bitch...

I know Nicole came into the library last Thursday. She must have done so before I got to work... My head sits right behind the reserve counter and, even with walls, I would have heard her voice. I don't think I can ever trust myself to fall for a girl again. I've never felt like this... It's a strange place and uncomfortably cold.

Maybe I only need someone to hold me.

Went hiking yesterday on the Great Western Trail out of South Fork. I don't know how far (maybe six miles round trip) but the hike lasted almost four hours. God, it was beautiful... Snow capped mountains, clouds rushing through the high valleys, and sweat on my brow... I saw two huge bull elk. Amazing animals. Of course, they saw me first... big, clumsy ape crashing through the woods. I wish I had more time to be out there. Connected.

It's time to go work out. *sigh,* I don't want to expend the energy necessary to sustain the type of workout I know I'm going to have... funny, eh?
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Went on a nine mile day hike yesterday. Started in the parking lot below Rock Canyon (elevation - about 5110 ft) and ended about 4.52 miles up the canyon, past the campground and near the Cascade Saddle. We (my roommate Jared was with me) ended our ascent due to lack of water and a setting sun just below the crest of the cascade mountain's saddle. We were about 8799 feet above sea level. For those of you who are praying for Olympic snow, pray harder... It's almost December and not an inch of snow up there.

Not a bad little hike for a 30 year old fat kid, eh? If I had tried it last week I would have been left on the mountain to die. I weighted 244 this morning. That's eight pounds in eight days. I'm going to take it easy today. Might go up to Aspen Grove and hike to Stewart's (Stewards? Steward? something like that) Falls. Nice and easy.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
245. That's seven pounds. I am staying away from the gym and the school this weekend. Going up in the mountains. Might hike up Rock Canyon to sleep for the night... still haven't decided. Only thing I know: I need a cup of coffee.

Day Five

Nov. 15th, 2001 03:50 pm
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Day five in my public diet... acually, it's not much of a diet... it's more like a journal-type documentary of my exercise habits and how much weight I am losing. Woke up this morning around eight (I slept in for an hour and a half), took a pee, and weighed myself. 247. (that's five pounds lost, for those of you who are counting)

I had to turn things over, looking for change this morning (it's payday, but my check wasn't accessable at eight in the morning), in order to have enough money for coffee... That was a success.

Hiked up Rock Canyon afterwords. Roundtrip was about three miles... The trail is all uphill going east, and I didn't stop to catch my breath until I decided to come back down. That's a great improvement over Sunday (when it seemed like I had to stop every five minutes).

I think I may run on the stairmaster for a half hour tonight on my dinner break. I'm not certain though.

I do like losing wieght.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I'm at the damn school. So much for my fucking Saturday. I hate this place. I have to help run a concession stand for the philosophy club (fund raiser). I thought I would come early, check my e-mail and write a few things before I waste my night away by handing out popcorn. I wish I didn't work here. I wish I didn't respect the people who hover above the club (professors). If I had no connections to this silly outfit, I would bring a flask with something potent... getting drunk on a Saturday night, isn't that what I'm supposed to do. God, I'm frustrated with certain processes and commitments in my life.

I made myself go hiking this morning up Rock Canyon. It's a beautiful place, minus all the people. The mouth of the canyon opens up right behind Provo's Mormon temple. And, although you can not drive through the canyon, it is easily accessible by foot. Lately, I have been able to see big horned sheep and mountain goats around the mouth, and I have seen moose occasionally... but all I saw today were a pair of grouse (which shouldn't be considered insignificant, for I have never seen a grouse up there). Hiking is good for the soul... I know old Pirsig wrote about having the Zen within, or something... but being in nature, with my heart working to push my body up the hill, usually helps me sort through all of the shit that is going on in life. One of my professors calls it meditating. I think I am just forcefully pushing the logjam out.

So, while I was hiking I could only really think about how fat I have gotten. It's a joke to me, really... and some people would say that I am not fat. However, I've been working on a beer Buddha for a couple of years, and minus the aesthetic bliss I have achieved from this round mound, I feel terrible. There was a time, only three years ago, when I could run up rock canyon. Now I have to stop in order for my breath to catch up with my will. At one time, in my early twenties, I weighed 305 pounds and, after a year of hard work, I got down to 208. I had so much energy back then. I'm sitting at about 252 right now... not much energy. So, here is the plan (yes, I devised this on my little hike). I am going to start working out three nights (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). Tuesday's and Thursday's I am going to either go hiking, or snow shoeing, or workout in the gym. Saturdays and Sundays will be reserved for hiking, or snowshoeing. Also, I plan on walking to the coffee shop every morning (briskly, for a nice wake up stretch of the legs) and paying close attention to my caloric intake. I've got to start feeling better. So, I guess I'll keep people posted on how I am doing. A public diet, if you will... (kind of like that Wilson girl having her stomach shrinking surgery broadcast across the Internet).

Well... I'm off to serve popcorn. I'm looking forward to coffee tomorrow with d. and a. and whomever else.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Am I the only person who mindlessly wanders through journals by clicking on Random?

I'm patiently counting the clock down... only 39 minutes until I get off campus. I have a bottle of rum waiting for me at home and a hockey game to get drunk for. I went to my first game a couple of weeks ago and, despite not knowing a thing about hockey, I had a great time. BYU's team is terrible.... they remind me of children when they play soccer. The crowd of skaters all flow to the puck. It gets congested. Utah State University seemed to spread things out, and play a set offense (which might explain why they beat BYU 10-4). All in all, it's fun to get drunk in order to root for Mormons. It's one way I contribute to this society on my own terms.

Tomorrow the philosophy club is sponsoring a high school ethics bowl. I have to judge some of the rounds, but hope to get away in the early afternoon so that I can go to a pot-luck party and later to the bar.

I went hiking yesterday. It was therapeutic. I love to hike alone, much more so than with people. I become irritated with voices and the conversation that follows. I like to listen to the wind blow, the water flow and my breath compete with my heart-beat for attention. I feel more connected that way. It snowed on me as I ascended the trail at the end of the South Fork Canyon Road. I stopped, before heading back down the trail, to look down into a ravine. The wind was trying to push me in, but I resisted. I stood there, as the falling snow wrapped around my frame and continued on, down through the canyon, thinking that I had to be the most blessed person in the world.

I love the fact that I have a cup of coffee... I just wish someone would help me drink the rest of the pot. Damn!
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
It's Saturday... warm, lazy Saturday. I've taken the last few days off from work, and have had an incredibly liberating time at the expense of time itself. Ahhh... to do things at my own leisure (which means putting important stuff off until the last moment.) What have I done? I went hiking alone. I've read parts of "Does It Hurt To Think," by David Rothenberg. I've had coffee for hours upon hours at Juice and Java. I stumbled down to Provo's olympic venue (Seven Peaks Ice Arena) to watch my Cousin play hockey. He's a goalie for the BYU IceCats. Unfortunately, he was pulled half way through the 2nd period after having been scored on five times. It was an ugly choice by the coach. I don't pretend to know the game of hockey, but it was very apparent that Cousin's team was overmatched and the coach's decision to pull Chris out of the game to shake things up seemed inappropriate. After Chris was pulled USU scored four quick goals. I think the final score was 10 - 4, or something close to that. I ran into my other Cousin who, along with her husband, had come down from Salt Lake City to watch the game. I need to remind myself that I do have family here. I always forget. Noelle and Chris are neat people. I am fortunate to have them in my life. Ugh... I need to get an internet connection from home. I am in the public library and my time on this computer is running out. I've got to find some books that deal with the ethics of hunting. I am presenting with a panel for Ethics Awareness Week this coming tuesday, and have yet to prepare. God, I hope there aren't many people there. That's my life for today... it's nice outside. I'm going hiking.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
It's been a while. I haven't had much to say, which is not to say that I have had anything to say previously. I just haven't felt like writing. I'm sitting here, at my work desk, drinking cold coffee (four shots of espresso in a 16 oz cup topped off with Kenya AA - Medium roast), wondering how I can get so fucking depressed. Something is wrong. I'm out of shape, emotionally and physically. I need to see a psychiatrist who, instead of putting me on a couch, makes me step onto a stair master. I've been obsessed with an inner conflict concerning the material, non-material and authenticity. This isn't a Cartesian problem of mind/body dualism, but a social problem. I wonder how, or if, the social phenomena of popular influence interferes with my goal of being aesthetically independent. I've been hung up on this search for independence in a dependent world. It's maddening, really... and perhaps I should let it go. My fear of being abandoned by the moving parts of society has left me wanting to abandon society. How rational is that? Fear is a funny thing... it's like looking at an empty glass, and finding yourself afraid of the water that isn't there. I should focus less on culture and more on conquering that which builds my mental/emotional blocks. I shouldn't mind the influence others have on me... it's not like I am being led by sheep. Influence isn't in and of itself a bad thing... it's a necessary stimuli to creativity. Okay... enough. I'm going hiking alone. It's too bad the pioneers of Utah drove the local population of Grizzly Bears to extinction. Old Ephriam, the last Grizzly of Utah, was killed in 1924 (I believe). I wouldn't mind a dance in the woods... I wouldn't mind that at all.

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