I'm at the damn school. So much for my fucking Saturday. I hate this place. I have to help run a concession stand for the philosophy club (fund raiser). I thought I would come early, check my e-mail and write a few things before I waste my night away by handing out popcorn. I wish I didn't work here. I wish I didn't respect the people who hover above the club (professors). If I had no connections to this silly outfit, I would bring a flask with something potent... getting drunk on a Saturday night, isn't that what I'm supposed to do. God, I'm frustrated with certain processes and commitments in my life.
I made myself go hiking this morning up Rock Canyon. It's a beautiful place, minus all the people. The mouth of the canyon opens up right behind Provo's Mormon temple. And, although you can not drive through the canyon, it is easily accessible by foot. Lately, I have been able to see big horned sheep and mountain goats around the mouth, and I have seen moose occasionally... but all I saw today were a pair of grouse (which shouldn't be considered insignificant, for I have never seen a grouse up there). Hiking is good for the soul... I know old Pirsig wrote about having the Zen within, or something... but being in nature, with my heart working to push my body up the hill, usually helps me sort through all of the shit that is going on in life. One of my professors calls it meditating. I think I am just forcefully pushing the logjam out.
So, while I was hiking I could only really think about how fat I have gotten. It's a joke to me, really... and some people would say that I am not fat. However, I've been working on a beer Buddha for a couple of years, and minus the aesthetic bliss I have achieved from this round mound, I feel terrible. There was a time, only three years ago, when I could run up rock canyon. Now I have to stop in order for my breath to catch up with my will. At one time, in my early twenties, I weighed 305 pounds and, after a year of hard work, I got down to 208. I had so much energy back then. I'm sitting at about 252 right now... not much energy. So, here is the plan (yes, I devised this on my little hike). I am going to start working out three nights (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). Tuesday's and Thursday's I am going to either go hiking, or snow shoeing, or workout in the gym. Saturdays and Sundays will be reserved for hiking, or snowshoeing. Also, I plan on walking to the coffee shop every morning (briskly, for a nice wake up stretch of the legs) and paying close attention to my caloric intake. I've got to start feeling better. So, I guess I'll keep people posted on how I am doing. A public diet, if you will... (kind of like that Wilson girl having her stomach shrinking surgery broadcast across the Internet).
Well... I'm off to serve popcorn. I'm looking forward to coffee tomorrow with d. and a. and whomever else.