kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I keep having dreams that I am working in the library at UVU again.  I'm guessing this is due to me revisiting this journal, making private posts public and tagging them.  I've also taken Allen's sentimentality to heart.  He's been posting images on Instagram all the while longing for our days of old.  I am extremely happy in those dreams.  My job there has always been my favorite occupation and I miss the academic environment.  I am content in my work now, but that library made me happy.

I've made public all posts through December of 2001.

Dream

Mar. 11th, 2002 09:30 am
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I was driving down the long, dirt road to Justin's house. There was an inch, or so of wet snow on the road and driving was difficult. I was frustrated because my jeep was not handling well, and I could see little worn-out, redneck cars handling perfectly as they drove in figure eight circles down by the house. As I pulled into the yard, my jeep slid backwards, barely missing a white truck (which might have been the Izuzu Pup I had in high-school - i'm not sure). Two cars stopped driving in circles and the occupants exited their cars to greet me. As I stepped out of my jeep I was met by one stranger and three people who were Justin Cecil. One was indifferent to my being there. Another was the Justin I have always known, greeting me with a "ma ha ha ha tt," followed by a warm hug. The other was rude - annoyed by my presence while insisting that I was not welcome. I tried to talk to the warm Justin, but the others were effecting my ability to converse... I became very uncomfortable... As I struggled to cope with what was happening, and try to talk at the same time, I felt an eerie silence. I looked up from the ground to see all three of them, looking coldly at me... silence overcame me, followed by a very dark feeling, and time stood still.

I don't know how long the image stayed with me, frozen in time as I slept. But, it was haunting enough to wake me. And, this morning, I am still haunted by the image of the three who are one (one whom I love)... standing in alliance, staring down with brazenly cold eyes, hateful eyes.

And, all I could think was, "what have I done?"
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Four shots of espresso in a large coffee and I'm feeling bionic...

There is a spot on my lower forehead, where curled eye-brows meet, and negative energy is stored... I thought I was getting a cold. A cranky, sour, pissy cold... but the coffee, followed by Ryn's sweet boo-boo kiss took the spot right out of my skull.

Amazing.

I'm in a far different place than I have ever been. I'm not sure I could express where I am at, and am not sure that I am willing to yet. It's foreign, breathtakingly beautiful and comfortable, like a warm blanket on a cold, wet day.

I've been thinking about dreams:

Wilderness
New York
Grizzly Bears
San Francisco
Alaska
Coffee
Paris
Italy
Wolves
India
British Columbia

Hmmmm... dreams.

I'm living a dream... but it could be better. I need to take these F*!#ing chains off... I'm sick of scanning documents for a living.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
My morning walk for coffee was successful (this meaning I did get a cup of coffee). I walked down main street, looking at empty buildings... and decided that the best buildings to put coffee shops in are already occupied. Most of the buildings here are simple, ugly square-box type offering no character at all. I wouldn't mind the A-frame building that houses the Alpine Drive In, but that has been there for decades... a Burney staple, as far as businesses go. I also wouldn't mind the old Bernard's gas station, or one of the spaces in the Novel "T's" / Burney Mountain Video building. I've had my eye on the old moose lodge for a couple of years, but it somehow seems too large and impractical. There is a lot of dreaming still to come...

I finally ran into Chata this morning, or should I say, that crazy sob almost ran me over. There is snow on the road... and he's totaled enough cars to make anyone nervous. He is coming by later... I guess we're going to "hang-out." Maybe I'll make him go for a ride with me.

Time to shower... Time to shave...

Must do something with my day
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I'm dreaming. It's cold outside and I want to cuddle up to a cup of coffee. My knees, drawn in to my chest, help keep me warm... aromatic steam rising from the lid of the cup, like a spirit lusting to be inhaled. I'm alone. I'm always alone, which is okay... It's comfortable and I can think. I believe its snowing too. And someone is calling me. Not someone, but something... maybe someone, I don't know. I look up at the mountains for a moment... the tops have vanished into the low cloud-cover, but I can see the canyon and then the voice is clear, "come to me," it sings. And I slowly let my legs down to the ground, stand and stretch my arms to the sky. Picking up my coffee, I walk to my jeep and so begins my journey home.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
It's fall outside. I am going to sleep on the ground, somewhere in the mountains tonight. I need to hear the wind blow through the trees... and feel the cold air on my face. I need to stare down into the warm, hypnotic glow of a campfire as my feet rest close to the flames. I need stars, moon and a midnight black sky... far, far away from the loneliness of my city's night-light.

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