kazatasupa: (looking out)
Heavy rain today and I am thankful to be inside.

I drove to Palo Cedro this morning for work errands.  There was a mudslide behind me on my way back to Burney and now the highway is closed in both directions.  It's supposed to keep raining for the next 8 hours, or so.  The creek that runs through my yard is pushing against my simple bridge and is an inch or two from taking to sea.  I tried to pull the bridge across the creek, but it is waterlogged and too heavy.  It won't be a big loss unless it destroys the fence (which is also in the water) when it goes.



I'm enjoying this holiday season more so than in the past five years.  This little guy helps ease the pain of Thorn not being here.  I've made public posts through March of 2002.  I keep finding long lost gems from Thorn in the comments.  While grieving his death I found myself angry at him for deleting so many posts in his journal, so reading through his comments has given me some comfort and joy.  I've been tagging "Thorn" while moving through posts that he replied to.    
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Coffee and Joseph Fire Crow.

I've made public my entries through January 2002.  It's interesting reading my thoughts in the blissful calm before the storm.  LaRyn was the first woman I allowed myself to feel loved by and, though our "relationship" was short in terms of time, I struggled for years to reclaim myself from losing the trust I had in that love.  I have a completely different perspective on that relationship than I did at that time.  I have only fond memories of our time together and I hope she is blissfully happy in her life now (I'm sure she is).

The women I wrote about back then; Nicole, Natalia, and Marie are all still dear friends of mine and one (Marie) is now my wife.  I feel fortunate to have been able to foster relationships with these amazing people and that they still care enough to call me a friend (or husband) is such a great blessing for my old soul.  I am in shock that Marie and I have been together now for 7 years and in April will have been married for 6 years.  Time goes by too quickly.

I miss my brother.  This will be the 5th Christmas since [livejournal.com profile] lokasennapassed away.  I used to feel such a romance for the holiday, but that feeling died with Thorn.  I miss exchanging philosophy books with him.  I miss trying to get him drunk on Christmas Eve, or during Christmas dinner.  I miss our evening discussions and disagreements.  I miss everything about him.  Having had a child has returned some "spirit" of the holiday to me.  I only wish Thorn could be here to love on his nephew.

It's snowing outside.  I wish I had the time to go for a walk and take in the wonder of the universe.  I have a Lion's Club board meeting tonight to go along with my regular domestic and fatherly duties.  The walk will have to wait for another day.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
Funny things happen on Christmas day.

My brother recieved two Nietzsche books from me. I, in turn, recieved two nietzsche books from him. Unintended... very funny. There were snickers between us as he unwrapped Twilight of the Idols / The Anti-Christ... a great Christmas book, indeed! And for those of you who are not familiar with Nietzsche, never fear (especially if you are Christian), for Christ was one of his heros. He just didn't have much regard for the religion... and thought that Christ was the only true Christian.

There are a house-load of people here... I am drinking a Pike's India Pale Ale and reading Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

Merry Christmas, everyone...

Best wishes for all.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I'm waiting for my e-mail program to kick in.

I have all my Christmas shoping done. It was finished Friday... that's record time for me. I usually only buy for my family (as a rule), but occasionally I buy for others. I just wish I could wrap a hug, or an "I love you," and let the person savor that gift...

Presents really are superficial.

I love you (you know who you are).

Good Times

Dec. 12th, 2001 09:28 pm
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
We've got it, don't we?

So, here I am. End of the day and exhausted as usual. Stairmaster for 90 minutes, burned 2369 calories... that's a lot of F'ing work. Time tried to stop on me as I was going, going, going... I looked down at the little timer, lifted my head, swore under my breath, thought about the origin of the universe (what do you think about when you are working out?), looked back down much, much later and only a second had come off my timer. Good Damn! Oh, I thought I was going to die.

Why do I torture myself nightly? Because I really, really feel good. Yes, my body feels like shit, but my mind is clear... i am hopeful and high.

I am leaving for California early Saturday. My parents remodeled the house I grew up in. They now have a jacuzzi tub... oh... oh... oh... They kicked me out when I was younger (no hard feelings, it really was time for me to go), now I'm moving back in (and kicking my parents out!) I told my mother this, she thought I was funny. I can't even be serious about that... it would break their hearts. Damn! I want that tub.

Going home... going to get sleep (and sleep in!)

Zzzzzzzzz
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I thought that waking to Bing Crosby would be nice and warm. Six-twenty in the morning... Chestnuts roasting on an open.... -snooze- -snooze- -snooze-... seven fifteen in the morning... Chaos.

Late for work (again).

Didn't have time to walk for coffee... I had to crash through the shop in a frenzied hurry. "I need two shots. Two. Two!!"

Ahh... Juice and Java employees are so kind to me. Even if Candice doesn't like me... she tolerates me and pretends to be happy to see me. However, it is obvious that (at times) I rub her wrong. For instance, the other day, I reported to her that I had gone out Sunday and cut a Pagan tree for Christmas. She just stood there, looking at me with a disgusted look... "what's a pagan tree?" "Uh... a Christmas tree... same thing, only for pagans!" End of conversation. She wouldn't talk to me after that, and her body language was uncomfortable at best. It seems really strange, as Christmas is an ultra-pagan holiday. I understand that even the traditional Christmas tree may come from ancient pagan traditions in which the tree was revered as a holy symbol. We are intertwined in a dynamic web... there's room for every one, even pagan-Christmas celebrations - don't you think?

So, am I Christian? Am I Buddhist? Am I Muslim? Am I Jain? Am I Hindu? Am I Jew? Am I Wiccan? Am I, am I, am I.... Maybe I'm just a bit of everything and nothing at all... Maybe I just am.

I am creation. I am love. I am sustained, for the moment and in complete control... I am, as Peter Tosh sings, that I am.

It is supposed to snow 5-9 inches tonight, which means Provo/Orem will get a light dusting. I hope to get some pictures of the city under the siege of a winter storm this evening... if not, I have the rest of winter.
kazatasupa: (burney mountain)
I need to move the partition wall that blocks my view of Utah Lake. Maybe even move my desk around so that I can see out over the lake and gaze upon the mountains (this way I can daydream while looking out, over the valley and still appear to be working).... It is a beautiful day... raining lightly, contrasting white to dark grey clouds. I love fall turning into winter. The only problem being that, this time of year, the sun sets right through the window and the glare is unbearable. I think I am willing to put up with it. Yes, I think I am. One thing is for certain... Utah is a beautiful place.

I'm feeling Christmas. I do love this time of year.

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